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Wednesday 14 December 2022 12:50:44 GMT
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I found this video in my camera roll a few weeks ago that my daughter recorded without me realizing, it honestly made me so sad when I found it. I’ve been debating whether to post it. Not for attention, but for postpartum awareness. I feel like postpartum is something that so many women deal with alone because they don't want to seem like they can't handle it or no one will understand. If you would have asked me in that moment if I was okay, I probably would have said yes. I was taking care of my baby. I was feeding him, holding him, loving him. I was getting through the day. From the inside, I felt like I was doing everything I was supposed to do. But what this video captured was something I didn’t even realize was happening. I wasn’t resting. I wasn’t relaxing. I was somewhere else entirely. I was completely checked out.... completely disassociated. After those first few weeks postpartum, your body starts to physically heal. Everyone assumes your fine, The bleeding stops, your body begins to recover, your milk supply regulates, you settle into a routine, and from the outside, it looks like everything is getting back to normal. But mental healing doesn’t always follow the same timeline. At 4 months PP, even though so many of the physical pieces have fallen into place, I still find myself constantly dissociating and feeling outside of myself. The amount of times I catch myself completely numb or zoned out is honestly scary. I’m not ignoring my kids. I’m not tuning them out. I’m not choosing not to be present. My mind is simply overwhelmed. The exhaustion, the hormone shifts, the mental load, the overstimulation, the anxiety, the hypervigilance, and the transition of adding another little person who depends on you every second of the day… it all affects you in one way or another, even when you’re doing everything “right.” This video is hard for me to watch because I don’t even remember feeling disconnected in that moment. Looking back now, it’s obvious. I wasn’t ok. I was surviving. I’ve spent many years in therapy, so I’m very in tune with my mind and body. Because of that, I know this isn't just “new mom exhaustion.” This postpartum season has come with a lot of mental struggles, but for me, it’s mostly looked like anxiety, fear, brain fog, and feeling disconnected from myself. It’s looks like constantly worrying if my kids are okay, feeling overstimulated by the smallest things, and wondering why I can't just be present in moments I want so badly to enjoy. One of the greatest things therapy has taught me is the importance of communication. Healing doesn’t happen in silence. It happens by telling someone you’re struggling, asking for help, leaning on the people who love you, and utilizing the tools and resources that make life a little easier. If this video looks familiar… if you’ve caught yourself staring into space, forgetting simple things, feeling numb, feeling detached, or wondering why you don’t feel like yourself anymore, I hope you know you’re not alone. Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety don’t always look like someone crying in bed all day, or harming themselves or their baby... Sometimes they look like a mom who’s taking wonderful care of her kids while quietly losing touch with herself. If you’re in that place, please don’t wait until you’re completely falling apart to ask for help. Talk to someone you trust. Utilizing my resources has truly saved me....whether it was my husband, my mom, or my best friend. Tell your doctor exactly how you’re feeling. You deserve support just as much as your baby deserves care. I’m sharing this because I hope it reaches the mom who thinks she’s the only one. You’re not failing. You’re not a bad mom. You’re carrying more than anyone can see. And even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you will feel like yourself again. 🤍 #supportmoms#SAHM#family#POSTPARTUMp#ppdawareness
I found this video in my camera roll a few weeks ago that my daughter recorded without me realizing, it honestly made me so sad when I found it. I’ve been debating whether to post it. Not for attention, but for postpartum awareness. I feel like postpartum is something that so many women deal with alone because they don't want to seem like they can't handle it or no one will understand. If you would have asked me in that moment if I was okay, I probably would have said yes. I was taking care of my baby. I was feeding him, holding him, loving him. I was getting through the day. From the inside, I felt like I was doing everything I was supposed to do. But what this video captured was something I didn’t even realize was happening. I wasn’t resting. I wasn’t relaxing. I was somewhere else entirely. I was completely checked out.... completely disassociated. After those first few weeks postpartum, your body starts to physically heal. Everyone assumes your fine, The bleeding stops, your body begins to recover, your milk supply regulates, you settle into a routine, and from the outside, it looks like everything is getting back to normal. But mental healing doesn’t always follow the same timeline. At 4 months PP, even though so many of the physical pieces have fallen into place, I still find myself constantly dissociating and feeling outside of myself. The amount of times I catch myself completely numb or zoned out is honestly scary. I’m not ignoring my kids. I’m not tuning them out. I’m not choosing not to be present. My mind is simply overwhelmed. The exhaustion, the hormone shifts, the mental load, the overstimulation, the anxiety, the hypervigilance, and the transition of adding another little person who depends on you every second of the day… it all affects you in one way or another, even when you’re doing everything “right.” This video is hard for me to watch because I don’t even remember feeling disconnected in that moment. Looking back now, it’s obvious. I wasn’t ok. I was surviving. I’ve spent many years in therapy, so I’m very in tune with my mind and body. Because of that, I know this isn't just “new mom exhaustion.” This postpartum season has come with a lot of mental struggles, but for me, it’s mostly looked like anxiety, fear, brain fog, and feeling disconnected from myself. It’s looks like constantly worrying if my kids are okay, feeling overstimulated by the smallest things, and wondering why I can't just be present in moments I want so badly to enjoy. One of the greatest things therapy has taught me is the importance of communication. Healing doesn’t happen in silence. It happens by telling someone you’re struggling, asking for help, leaning on the people who love you, and utilizing the tools and resources that make life a little easier. If this video looks familiar… if you’ve caught yourself staring into space, forgetting simple things, feeling numb, feeling detached, or wondering why you don’t feel like yourself anymore, I hope you know you’re not alone. Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety don’t always look like someone crying in bed all day, or harming themselves or their baby... Sometimes they look like a mom who’s taking wonderful care of her kids while quietly losing touch with herself. If you’re in that place, please don’t wait until you’re completely falling apart to ask for help. Talk to someone you trust. Utilizing my resources has truly saved me....whether it was my husband, my mom, or my best friend. Tell your doctor exactly how you’re feeling. You deserve support just as much as your baby deserves care. I’m sharing this because I hope it reaches the mom who thinks she’s the only one. You’re not failing. You’re not a bad mom. You’re carrying more than anyone can see. And even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you will feel like yourself again. 🤍 #supportmoms#SAHM#family#POSTPARTUMp#ppdawareness
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