@de1anaa: #rant i always wondered why my little brother and i got out of our fighting stages and became super close but while my older brother and i were fighting all the time. i loved how close my little brother and i were and all i ever wanted was that same bond from my older brother. i was so nice to him and all he would do was start random fights for no reason, i was so over the fighting to the point where i was begging my parents to talk to him to see if he would change because nothing i did seemed to ever work. everyday there was at least one fight, and eventually i just gave up, it came to the point where i made it clear what i was trying to do, my effort was made and he wanted nothing to do with it, so i dropped it. everyday was just constant bickering and i remember crying and trying to understand why my brother couldn’t just grow up and stop being so childish, what i did to him that made him this angry at me, and i could never find an answer. i was mad at him and couldn’t wait for him to leave for college just to get a break from the fighting but honestly that was just worse. as much as i hated the fights, i still loved him and i was constantly thinking about why we just couldn’t get along. as much as i wanted him to leave, i couldn’t wait for him to get back, i thought that since we had our break from each other, we both missed each other and we could just be chill now. no. the same shit was happening. whenever we called he was always so nice so i thought we were finally good, but as soon as he came back, it all began again. looking back at it, 4 years ago, when i first started high school i would tell everyone that my older brother and i were super close and that we were like best friends, even though i knew it was a lie, i wanted it to be true so bad, i thought that soon we would become super close, but he had other plans. i have never cried over a boy as much as i cried over wanting my older brother to just love me. i felt like he hated me for the longest time, and even though i feel like he doesn’t hate me anymore, i still feel like we’ll never be close. i always thought we would grow out of it, but it felt like i was the only one growing.

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Tuesday 07 March 2023 06:22:11 GMT