@aak.ward: sometimes I confuse sadness with the everlasting melancholia I seem to find myself in. sadness is like turning of a light it happens in a instance. it might be hard to find the light again, but surely I will find it after a while - even though in the moment it feels hopeless the everlasting melancholia I find myself in have painted my days in a deep, unsaturated grayness. like watching over the sea trough broken binoculars on a gray day, it feels infinite. the grayness is all around me, carefully folded, like when parents lovingly and carefully tuck their babies to sleep. my grayness hasn’t been folded with love, it’s been punched in, like those papers you put in a binder. it might be my perspective on things, it probably is. yet it feels like I dont remember how to see differently. I am stuck. 14.3.23 #digitaldiary