Kc Davis
Region: US
Tuesday 22 August 2023 22:50:39 GMT
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ClairityBearity :
I don’t like it, but you’re right. I’ve been thinking about this since your initial comment & shame might be the motivator but control is the choice.
2023-08-22 23:02:47
17
poorlybehavedwoman :
I was taught secret keeping all my life. when my husband found out about a big secret that hurt him I went to therapy to change that behavior
2023-08-23 01:44:23
37
Peace 🇦🇺 :
My ex would occasionally lie, sometimes about big things and sometimes about small things. And I didn’t catch them frequently enough to know
2023-08-23 05:00:52
32
No :
It would be helpful if there was a qualifier this is about romance bc with no context I wanted to say secrets & lies can also be about safety
2023-08-22 23:12:27
24
taryn :
one of the most difficult but most important things I've had to learn to do as someone with anxiety is to learn to deal with not being in control
2023-08-23 13:12:06
14
Ollieview :
I feel like a lot of my lies are also from poor impulse control on top of all this so I'd be inclined to agree haha
2023-08-22 23:07:10
13
Heat Miser :
I dunno, I don't think our partners are entitled to every single part of ourselves
2023-08-23 23:00:58
11
Penny :
In my experience, shame is alleviated by honesty and accepting the consequences ….
2023-08-22 23:01:42
9
3atongirl :
100% my ex feels zero shame for things he did and lied about but he definitely was trying to control everything around him.
2023-08-22 23:33:05
5
TJ/Tara :
Several years ago, my partner led a double life bc he didn’t want me knowing he hadn’t left his job. I’d pretty much given an ultimatum of me or the
2023-08-24 00:37:55
3
Jackie pants :
I love you for this! I was so forgiving just to be the safe space for my abuser, once he turned violent I couldn’t forgive anymore and he lost it
2023-08-23 15:21:22
3
🌒🌓🌔Ana🌖🌗🌘 :
I'd love to tell my parents I have ADHD and that they too are neurodiverse. But every time I bring up something to do with the mind my mom gets 1/2
2023-08-23 08:00:14
3
Victoria Dragonfly :
As someone who had their feelings blamed for being cheated on, thank you.
2023-08-23 01:30:06
3
Grace :
Agree but lying can become instinctual when there is a phobia around being vulnerable (like when you were vilified for that as a child) and
2023-08-23 01:27:35
3
Soo.Jaded :
No, I actually love you for this ❤️
2023-08-23 00:33:22
3
HR Explained :
Hashtag being raised in a fundamental religious household.
2023-08-22 23:24:13
3
LightningBird74 :
My ASD-ass is loving this vid. I've been so sick and tired of the tidal wave of lies in 'muriKKKan society. This makes so much sense.
2023-08-22 23:15:37
3
Books&Stitches :
I learned that no matter what I do it gets talked about poorly. So I lied to my birth family So at least when they shame my choices they’re not act
2023-08-23 21:05:06
2
Josie Malone 🦁 :
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💜💜💜💜 I deeply value this conversation.
2023-08-23 14:14:01
2
Jená :
Fuck I needed this. Dealing with a parent who lies. 30+ years later
2023-08-23 07:10:52
2
Amy she/her :
Yes, and it should be noted that control is a survival skill . Relinquishing control requires us to use newer parts of the brain
2023-08-23 03:27:27
2
gayforthemoon :
i love you for this, actually
2023-08-23 01:21:35
2
Sasha :
Thank you for this excellent message. It’s truth.
2023-08-23 01:18:35
2
dirtmonster2 :
YES. Control is absolutely why my narcissistic mother lies constantly.
2023-08-22 23:59:58
2
Leave.brittany.alone :
This this this this this this !!
2023-08-22 23:44:29
2
Carissa :
@Kc Davis What about very convenient forgetfulness when being asked to tell the truth about a past action?
2023-08-22 23:36:03
2
angie :
I lied A LOT from age 11-13 and didn't know why, but now I do! Thanks for sharing 😁
2023-08-22 23:35:16
2
Carissa :
Totally agree. And in my experience, the secrets and lies have also been about protecting a certain behavior while also keeping the person being lied
2023-08-22 23:25:17
2
Kim :
Thank you for putting this into words!
2023-08-22 23:01:52
2
Eri :
yes! 100% agree
2023-08-22 22:56:11
2
M :
Thank you for this
2023-08-24 13:44:35
1
Grammyb :
Truth!
2023-08-24 13:29:27
1
Lauri Wing Edwards :
My mother took her secrets to the grave.
2023-08-23 16:42:48
1
Abby Madison Jain :
Even w/ strangers or abusers, secrets and lies are about control. I’m not ashamed of my bank account # but I am going to control who can access it.
2023-08-23 15:18:29
1
Shan :
I do wonder how this relates to pathological lying? Obv a separate issue but like I don’t feel like pathological liars I’ve met are necessarily 1/2
2023-08-23 15:08:12
1
Donna Peterson :
Wait. What? I can demand honesty?
2023-08-23 14:29:10
1
GBBOS :
Yes! Preach! 🙌🏻🙌🏻
2023-08-23 14:11:27
1
Jemma Suzanne :
Boom! Thank you I needed to hear this!!! I’m going though that exact thing actually
2023-08-23 12:48:03
1
Cameron :
I have such a relatable situation I would love to share, but not enough characters to do so. Plus the vulnerability of it.
2023-08-23 04:29:32
1
Kiki Peach :
I never thought of it this way. It makes so much sense.
2023-08-23 03:45:22
1
Hana :
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 I appreciate this so much❤️the lies-> shame/blame dynamic my exhusband wised was always so hard to understand. It was still control.
2023-08-23 03:41:57
1
Saira West :
For me as a kid it was the opposite end I lied because my stepmom had to control what I said and none of the honest answers were "correct"
2023-08-23 03:32:30
1
🫠🔮✏️🤦♀️✨️🏳️🌈 🇪🇬🇸🇩✨️ :
i mean it's also really hard to lie to someone you love and respect
2023-08-23 01:22:13
1
Cindy Esp :
I love you for this!!! I can’t let their shame to override common decency. It’s exhausting
2023-08-23 00:46:02
1
Missy :
And the control is about exploitation. You’re valuable. They know they may lose the value you provide if you have the information.
2023-08-23 00:19:35
1
LMB :
FACTS! 👏🏻
2023-08-23 00:02:24
1
Bridget Arndt :
controlling the narrative 🫣
2023-08-23 00:00:34
1
Kay Pea :
Oof. I let someone lie to me and harm me for years because I thought it was shame based and I felt bad for him. This is a helpful take.
2023-08-22 23:10:48
1
La Vie en Rox :
also the other way around. keeping secrets bc we have so little control in the relationship we know inocuous things will be punished
2023-09-11 18:43:31
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