@kp_counseling108: Shutting down during arguments is known as emotional withdrawal. Many times, this is caused by emotional overwhelm versus punishing your partner. People who shut down often fear saying what is really on their minds, because they were frequently criticized when being emotionally expressive in the past. To start to build stamina during arguments, recognize your triggers and what topics, words, or tones cause you to shut down. Pay attention to where you feel stress and emotional overwhelm in your body. Learn to identify your emotions as something other than just “anger” or “anxiety.” Download a version of the Feelings Wheel to practice understanding your responses. Take timeouts and breaks from arguments. It’s healthy to take a break when things are escalating. The Gottman research shows that it’s not how much you argue, but how you repair after a break or an argument. Practice self-soothing and emotional regulation processes. Look into DBT techniques, deep breathing, or progressive muscle relaxation techniques. Understand your trauma that has led to you shutting down as a coping mechanism during conflict. Being shut down in the present is often an indication of unprocessed trauma from your past that led you to these behaviors. Teaching yourself to build stamina and not shut down takes time and will not happen overnight. However, practicing these strategies and communicating your intentions to your partner will foster more support and productive conversations. To learn new tools and perspectives for communicating through conflict, drop in on my weekly small group coaching sessions Monday or Thursday evening! Link in my bio or go to https://beacons.ai/kimpolinder #couplescounseling #marriagecounseling #marriagetherapy #marriagecoach #couplestherapist #therapist #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #lifecoach #datingadvice #gottman #communicationskills #conflictresolution #stonewalling #silenttreatment #resentment #shuttingdown #shutdown

Kim Polinder | Coach & Author

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Monday 04 September 2023 19:40:31 GMT