@patrickteahanofficial: One of the most triggering experiences in our present can come from family by echoing their earlier emotional abuse about who we fundamentally are. An abusive parent knows your insecurities because they put them there. Our inner child reacts to the present when triggered by an abusive family member, but has a built-in-forgetter. As a result, we don't fully recognize that our insecurities are much older than the present. Another reason we forget is that we are too busy reacting to unfair accusations and battling shame. And part of doing childhood trauma work is looking at how the family system of origin operated and installed those insecurities. Toxic parents create victimized, manipulative, or superior narratives in their relationship with their children from a young age. The old narratives sound like this: "You only think of yourself!" (victimized) "I'd do anything for my children." (manipulative) "Well, you tend to not think of others, so I get why that kid hit you." (superiority via shaming) "See, I knew you'd mess that up..." (Superior) "You always let me down after I do so much for you." (victimized/manipulative) So when I have a client struggling in the present in an abusive relationship, and they tell me their parent took the side of the abuser or made it about them, the triggers of shame run incredibly deep. The parent gaslights, and we, in turn, gaslight ourselves - just like in childhood. You're being provoked for a certain response for their benefit, usually around loyalty and dominance. What to do with this? Many of us learn gradually by getting the button pushed so much that we start to get healthy and not seek out care from an abusive parent. There is usually a breaking point, such as being blamed for a divorce or losing a job. Then, we wake up from the spell and realize we've always been kicked when we were down and supposed to be heard and supported. This is usually a crisis and also an opportunity to discover the root of our issues. #toxicparent #childhoodtrauma #buttonpushing #insecurity #innerchild #healing #boundaries #familysystems #gaslight

Patrick Teahan

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Sunday 12 November 2023 11:05:00 GMT