@cday600: somewhere in between terrible and horrible. Its a viscious cycle, just getting through the day, I feel like I’m watching myself drag by while everyone else moves forward, while I’m simply, stuck. It never occured to me that one day I’d wake up and never get better. We are forever changed because of what we have to cope with. On “good” days its not that you’re getting better, you get better at handling it. But the grip it has on you is stronger than the grip you have on it. I know how it feels to cry in the shower so no one hears you, and waiting for everyone to fall asleep so you can fall apart. Tired and pain is no longer a temporary state, its become my new personality. Its not just physical pain its mental, and emotional assault on your body. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve wanted to give in and let my body give out, don’t ever tell me I’m lazy, unless you’ve seen how hard I’ve had to fight just to survive, you have no idea the strength that takes.. try surviving in a body thats literally destroying you, self destructing from the inside out. I pray the pain doesn’t get the best of me.. chronic pain is invisible, yet somehow those surrounded by us feel the most pain watching us suffer like this daily.. In a perfect dream, theres a cure for this miserable disorder and I can finally feel like myself again. Its hard to explain to someone who has no idea what pain and sickness feels like on the inside while looking completely fine on the outside. Your goals and dreams start to change. Us chronically ill, we long for who we used to be, missing the life before limitations, sometimes the people around us dont understand why we cant do the things we used to. My life has become so consumed, always expecting the worst yet somehow praying for the best. I walk a very fine line between giving in and seeing how much more I can take. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told to stay positive, because being negative is what got me sick, right? Like every other day I go to bed, wake up, put one foot in front of the other and remind myself to keep breathing, because some days its so very hard to do just that. Anyone with half a brain cell can fake being sick, it takes real talent to fake being perfectly fine when you feel like hell. The worst thing you can do to a chronically ill person is allowing them to feel like they have to prove how sick they are. We may not look sick, but turn us inside out and you will see much clearer. But dont worry, I wont judge you after commenting on a disorder that you know nothing about. #crohnsdisease #chronicallyill #fundacure #autoimmunediseaseawareness #survivor21.22.23

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Monday 08 January 2024 06:40:57 GMT