@patrickteahanofficial: The range in the relationship with the narcissist is minimal. It is either on or off. You give attention and praise, or you're the enemy. This was my experience with my father. ⁠ ⁠ But what causes our enemy status as children is a setup. An adult couldn't handle that impossible tightrope walking with a narcissist. It's exhausting for a healthy adult. For a child, it is a nightmare and overwhelming. ⁠ ⁠ But as children who developmentally think in black and white, have to buy into we're ok, we're not ok cycle with the narcissistic parent. We don't have the abstract thought to recognize the patterns of never being good enough. ⁠ ⁠ We needed help to see that the pattern is a game being played by someone who is mentally unwell. Reality isn't about our childlike optimistic view that the parent will be happy if we finally get it together. ⁠ ⁠ As we heal, we excuse ourselves from that dumb game with them. But, as I got older, I got disgusted with my father's aggressive vulnerability. ⁠ ⁠ The work though involves healing our tendency to live in a switch-like relationship with people in our present. We project onto our partner that they are secretly mad and the blow-up will come soon. That's the thing to heal. Remove the game player parent from our present and not chase ok while being vigilant about when not ok is coming. ⁠ ⁠ If you know, you know. ⁠ ⁠ #childhoodtrauma #narcissisticabuse #innerchild #npd #toxicparent

Patrick Teahan

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Region: US

Wednesday 08 May 2024 10:00:00 GMT