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Wednesday 03 July 2024 00:19:45 GMT

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This last year might’ve been one of the worst years of my life! And yes, as most of you know, I DID go to rehab at 19, but this year brought challenges that 19 year old me would’ve crumbled under. I’m glad 26 year old me has the support system that I do (I really do have some of the best friends in the world, as seen above), but f*ckkk a lot of it sucked. I know you could probably scroll through my social media throughout the past year and see a lovely highlight reel with just one (or two?) public breakdowns, and don’t get me wrong, I am SO incredibly grateful for those highlights (im literally living my childhood dreams)! That being said, nothing can prepare you to see every negative thought you’ve had about yourself suddenly being said by seemingly thousands of people, both out loud & written down. This year felt like I was catapulted back into middle school and laughed at all day while being told that the best thing I can do is ignore the laughter and snide comments, because if I let them get to me I’m exhibiting weakness. I know these are SUCH first world problems and it’s a blessing that THIS is my struggle, but I have to honor these feelings for the kid in me who was once a middle schooler and just wanted to be seen & to be happy. I also honor these feelings for anyone who has tried to put themselves out there in any sort of public way in the past few years, because it feels like internet culture has swung in the direction where putting yourself out there is no longer celebrated, but ridiculed. Simply put: the internet can be so incredibly mean sometimes for no reason other than to feel some sort of sense of community through hatred, and it sucks to have watched that shift. As someone who grew up immersed in internet culture, this used to be a place where people went to escape from the negativity of the “real” world and find some sense of relatability or entertainment. Now it’s a place where people take the (rightful) anger they have towards the world and (unfairly) throw it at anyone who appears willing to take it, whether they are the deserving target or not. I know it sounds like im just complaining, and if I really hate it here so much why don’t I just leave? But anytime im talking about this in therapy my therapist asks, and she asks this honestly, “would you rather give up the good to escape the bad?” And the answer, so far has always been no. Yes, that could change one day, but the good is so unbelievably good sometimes, and truly that is because of you if you’re here reading this right now. You are kind, caring, in touch with your heart, more empathetic than I could ever wish for and you make me a better person every day. I hope 27 brings more of that, and if it doesn’t, I’ll ride the wave of discomfort once again and see where it takes me. I’ve always been scared of this age; candidly I’ve always thought I’d be part of the “27 Club”, so let’s hope for a better outcome than that, because I am having the time of my life growing older with you. I love you

This last year might’ve been one of the worst years of my life! And yes, as most of you know, I DID go to rehab at 19, but this year brought challenges that 19 year old me would’ve crumbled under. I’m glad 26 year old me has the support system that I do (I really do have some of the best friends in the world, as seen above), but f*ckkk a lot of it sucked. I know you could probably scroll through my social media throughout the past year and see a lovely highlight reel with just one (or two?) public breakdowns, and don’t get me wrong, I am SO incredibly grateful for those highlights (im literally living my childhood dreams)! That being said, nothing can prepare you to see every negative thought you’ve had about yourself suddenly being said by seemingly thousands of people, both out loud & written down. This year felt like I was catapulted back into middle school and laughed at all day while being told that the best thing I can do is ignore the laughter and snide comments, because if I let them get to me I’m exhibiting weakness. I know these are SUCH first world problems and it’s a blessing that THIS is my struggle, but I have to honor these feelings for the kid in me who was once a middle schooler and just wanted to be seen & to be happy. I also honor these feelings for anyone who has tried to put themselves out there in any sort of public way in the past few years, because it feels like internet culture has swung in the direction where putting yourself out there is no longer celebrated, but ridiculed. Simply put: the internet can be so incredibly mean sometimes for no reason other than to feel some sort of sense of community through hatred, and it sucks to have watched that shift. As someone who grew up immersed in internet culture, this used to be a place where people went to escape from the negativity of the “real” world and find some sense of relatability or entertainment. Now it’s a place where people take the (rightful) anger they have towards the world and (unfairly) throw it at anyone who appears willing to take it, whether they are the deserving target or not. I know it sounds like im just complaining, and if I really hate it here so much why don’t I just leave? But anytime im talking about this in therapy my therapist asks, and she asks this honestly, “would you rather give up the good to escape the bad?” And the answer, so far has always been no. Yes, that could change one day, but the good is so unbelievably good sometimes, and truly that is because of you if you’re here reading this right now. You are kind, caring, in touch with your heart, more empathetic than I could ever wish for and you make me a better person every day. I hope 27 brings more of that, and if it doesn’t, I’ll ride the wave of discomfort once again and see where it takes me. I’ve always been scared of this age; candidly I’ve always thought I’d be part of the “27 Club”, so let’s hope for a better outcome than that, because I am having the time of my life growing older with you. I love you

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quero todas #fyp #foryour #foryoupagе #billieeilish

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