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ᶜᴿᴬᶻᵞ𝙆𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙧⚡ :
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When therapists, gurus, teachers, and or extended family try to get us to see the limitations of our family to help us understand and be better with them, it feels shaming and invalidating. The intention is meant to be helpful, but it is one of those things that again skips a survivor's healing process. For example, in some twelve-step groups and some therapy treatments, educating a survivor on a toxic parent's limitations is often paired with not having any expectations and engage with them as best we can. For example, a therapist who isn't trained in the family system of origin abuse or narcissistic abuse might suggest accepting you're mother's immaturity and just going to the family event anyway and making small talk as best you can. They might suggest that the mother is so wounded that she can't tolerate any opposition, so she doubles down on being controlling and abusive. How sad for her, right? Or even worse, you might hear a narrative that there is still a mother's love behind all the abuse... The survivor must do all the work while the toxic parent is still blissfully aware of how they impact others. The parent isn't struggling at all with how they are. They are pretty fine with themselves as the identified victim in their drama story. The survivor is always stuck navigating the lack of awareness of the toxic parent.   I think it's important for us to shift more and more away from what might be going on for perpetrators and just focus on the survivor until they are healed in a good enough way. #toxicparent #expectations #onesided #childhoodtrauma #therapy #insight #toxicfamily
When therapists, gurus, teachers, and or extended family try to get us to see the limitations of our family to help us understand and be better with them, it feels shaming and invalidating. The intention is meant to be helpful, but it is one of those things that again skips a survivor's healing process. For example, in some twelve-step groups and some therapy treatments, educating a survivor on a toxic parent's limitations is often paired with not having any expectations and engage with them as best we can. For example, a therapist who isn't trained in the family system of origin abuse or narcissistic abuse might suggest accepting you're mother's immaturity and just going to the family event anyway and making small talk as best you can. They might suggest that the mother is so wounded that she can't tolerate any opposition, so she doubles down on being controlling and abusive. How sad for her, right? Or even worse, you might hear a narrative that there is still a mother's love behind all the abuse... The survivor must do all the work while the toxic parent is still blissfully aware of how they impact others. The parent isn't struggling at all with how they are. They are pretty fine with themselves as the identified victim in their drama story. The survivor is always stuck navigating the lack of awareness of the toxic parent. I think it's important for us to shift more and more away from what might be going on for perpetrators and just focus on the survivor until they are healed in a good enough way. #toxicparent #expectations #onesided #childhoodtrauma #therapy #insight #toxicfamily

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