@goodmorgantherapy: I got distant and angry with my husband today & was blaming him for making me feel that way. Then I answered the 4 SEEN questions. Below are my answers. S - What am I scared of? E - What am I embarrassed about? E - What expectations did I have of myself & of the other person? (We always have expectations and are rarely aware of them. Once we know what they are, we can also recognize if these expectations were fair or communicated.) N - What do I need to do to take care of myself in this situation & how can the other person help me with that? S (scared): I'm scared that you don't love me, that you actually love who you wish I was. I'm scared that I'm not good enough for you. Maybe this is because today *I* don't love me for who I am. I love who I wish I was a whole lot more. E (embarrassed): I'm embarrassed that I get hurt at all. I'm embarrassed that I'm not juggling it all with a smile. I'm embarrassed that you have more energy than me. E (expect): I expect myself to say and do the perfect things and be the perfect woman/wife, even though that's unreasonable. I expect you to care more about how hard I'm trying than how much I actually do &l expect you to never feel let down, which is also unreasonable. Cuz you're human too. N (need): I need more rest & that makes me feel weak which is the scariest thing to be for me The SEEN method is not a way to suppress anger. It’s a way to turn to anger as if it is a screaming child, pick it up in our arms, & lovingly ask what vulnerable feelings it was trying to protect. Then, we can lead conversations with vulnerability instead of blame. Vulnerability builds bridges Blame builds walls We got this babes!

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Tuesday 06 August 2024 01:17:50 GMT