@professor.steph: To the parents watching this tiktok: Of course, your adult children can’t just say “no” to any situation that makes them uncomfortable. That is not what im saying here. Im also not referring to situations that are emotionally safe but challenging, like giving a speech (which is typically good for them to tackle in the long run!) Im referring to situations that are emotionally unsafe for them, and are usually detrimental to them in the long run, like going to the bbq where the aunt with anorexia is attending and will make comments and trigger your adult child to struggle for the next month. What I am saying is that adult children are coming into a place of Learning how to respect themselves and advocate for what they need and want, which includes setting boundaries, limits, and at times, limited to no contact with people, especially if your adult child is in a particularly vulnerable situation with their mental health. And as their parents, I see how this leaves you as the middleman between them and the person who is expecting access to them! That is a very stressful, awkward, and even embarrassing place for you to be in. Of course, you don’t want to risk offending anyone, and I imagine you might feel a certain level of a responsibility to make the offended person feel better (do you actually want that responsibility? If you sit with this, can you sense if it really IS your responsibility to make that anorexic aunt less offended? Asking not bc i have the “right” answer, but bc your truth is worth listening to!). And my gosh, wouldnt it be easier if your adult child could just put on a good face and do that thing so that Person X isnt offended? But in the same way it wasnt okay that adults in your life forced you to hug Person X, be alone with Person X, not speak back to Person X (and it wasnt okay because it forced you to disconnect from how you felt, what you wanted, and your own autonomy and freedom and forced you to acequisce to emotionally unsafe ppl), its not okay to ask your children to disconnect from what they need to feel safe. It is a GOOD thing for your adult child to advocate for themselves like this, this protects them from getting taken advantage of. It DOES mean you will now need to tolerate some social discomfort, bc yeah aunt Linda will probablybe weird and offended about it! and if conpartmentalizing is the only way you know how to manage Linda’s anger toward you and your adult child, then maybe its time to learn a different way to navigate your discomfort and pain. And you are worthy of being supported in that process 🤍 ##boomers##family##familytherapy##communication##psychology##millennial##genx##genz##socialexperiment##drama##holidays##therapy##therapytok##mentalhealthmatters##MentalHealth##therapist##anxious##anxiety##anxiousattachmentstyle##attachmentstyle##trauma##traumatok##narctok##nocontact##fyp##foryou##parenting##parentingpsychology

Steph the Attachment Professor

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Thursday 26 September 2024 02:13:14 GMT