@mockingjzy: "I don't know what going on with me" Oh, but I do. I know that all of my terrible choices and doings are because of my thoughts, actions, loneliness, neglecting, zoning out, and everything else. I know that this is not my fault. How am I the one being left out after I make sure that nobody feels left out because I out of ALL people know what it's like. Why is it me who has to ruin amazing things because my mental health says no. Why is it that after every single meal I feel as guilty as ever. Why is it that every single night I feel like beginning to sob and putting the blade against my skin? I'm so sick and tired of being no one's first choice. Nobody would pick me in a room full of people. Yes, I have friends. But only a couple. Yes, I have family, but I can't trust them enough. How am I so incredibly easy to replace? Is what I give not enough? Every single night I sit in my bed, only feeling like relapsing. Only Taylor understands me. She knows what I feel and portraits it perfectly in every single one of her songs. That's why it hurts horribly to get made fun of for being a swiftie. I don't know why, but even though I despise reading, spending time on reading the hunger games books gives me comfort and a break of my thoughts. Even though it's my first time reading them. I'm so so done. Just let there be one person who checks up on me every night. Let there be someone who actually knows me. Let there be a day where I finally feel pretty. I can't look into the mirror without wanting to cry about my looks. All the girls around me are gorgeous. Yet I didn't get any of that prettiness. I just want to feel important for once. I want to feel comfortable in my body again. I want to believe the compliments I get. I don't want to be the girl who everybody despises for no reason. I don't like being a disappointment to my parents. My grades are dropping and so is my motivation. Studying exhausts me and I can't do it anymore. The constant headaches, stomachaches and pain in my ears is overwhelming. I want to be okay again. I'm sure nobody is reading this, but if you are, my DM's are open. I'll always listen. - dts: @𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝜗𝜚 - #mockingjzy #katnisseverdeen #jenifferlawrence #peetamellark #joshhutcherson #thehungergames

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Tuesday 12 November 2024 18:10:06 GMT