@griefsense: when you lose someone so tragically and unexpectedly..it hits different. I feel like I got struck by lightning and I’m missing half of my body. I feel like someone threw me off a mountain and I’m forever falling. I feel like I’m stuck in an episode of Black Mirror. At the same time I dont feel a thing. I go from feeling numb and conplete dissociation to rippling tsunamis of grief where even blinking hurts. I really am trying my best. I dont know what my best is anymore though. Ik Ill find my way some time. Maybe its soon maybe its not. This has been such a traumatic year and I cant believe I welcomed my 29th birthday with the loss of one my anchors in this life. She will forever be lost in my 20s. I will never see her as I welcome 30. She wont see me walk down the aisle to get married. She was so happy to be there the moment my fiance proposed. I will cherish that moment forever and a day. Her smile is tattooed on my memory. Her laugh. Her voice. Her bochinche. The way she told stories. The way she would hold you down. The way she struggled but still found a way to be there for me. This isnt just a loss. Idk wtf it is or how to describe it. All I know is that I miss her so much and I cant believe shes gone. I wish I couldve saved her. I wish I couldve helped change her life. She was in so much pain. Our family is so dysfunctional and broken and I just wish I couldve taken her pain away the many times she did for me. She didnt deserve to go the way she did. Her death and her car accident has brought up so much trauma that I didnt know I had. The other day, I saw an accident on TV and went straight into panic attack mode. I’ve lost my dad this way and now my titi. My heart hurts, but it feels like an honor to feel this pain because it was a gift to have her as my aunt and to be loved by her. I will feel this pain with pride. I want to find a way to honor her legacy I just don’t know how yet. I have time. Yet again, we think we have time. Life is so fleeting. If you are reading this and read all the way to the end, shout out to you. Hug your loved ones close. One tip of advice, if a family member is struggling and calls you all the time because they need something, just pick up the phone. You never know when it will be your last conversation. 💔 when you lose someone so tragically and unexpectedly..it hits different. #grief

Mimi | the zillennial griever

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Tuesday 12 November 2024 22:22:17 GMT