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Sunday 12 January 2025 15:26:15 GMT
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Every night when Jayde goes to bed I lay with her for a few minutes and I record our conversation. I ask her to tell me her favorite part of her day and then the conversation just naturally flows. I do this for many reasons but the main one is so I can go back and listen to our conversations and also to save the sound of her voice from each stage of her life. Having a nonspeaking son, her voice is like magic to me. Jace is not nonspeaking but he is considered non-conversational. He has words which I cherish and will never ever take for granted, but he still cannot speak sentences or communicate thoughts. This is very confusing for Jayde, she often brings up her classmates with younger siblings like Jace and she asks me why he can’t talk to her. She knows and has accepted that Justin can’t speak but she wants to know why Jace says words but he wont actually talk to her. She often asks him questions repeatedly and then starts crying telling me that Jace also ignores her like Justin. I can’t explain how heart wrenching this feels. I don’t allow my mind to wander into dark places for too long and I block the feelings I have of having another child with a speech impairment because the pain is too deep. But sometimes, it is really hard to block the feelings I have for Jayde not experiencing having a sibling she can simply talk to. In my conversation with Jayde this night, I wasn’t sad for Justin or Jace. I was sad for her. After I put her to bed I came out of the room and composed myself, but Bobby could tell by my face that something was wrong. He asked me if I was crying and then I just broke down into tears. I told him I felt bad for Jayde. I told him that Justin and Jace will be ok, I will find a way for Justin to communicate through spelling and I will do everything to help Jace unlock his speech so he can speak. But what can I do for Jayde? I really just felt heart broken for Jayde. I shared a screen shot that Bobby text me the next day that really helped heal a part of my heart for her, and I hope it’s helpful for anyone in the same shoes as us. He really gave me the right words to help shift my perspective, there is so much to be thankful for you just have to see it. For those that don’t want to pause and read I will write what he said below: I love you Lana, you're such an amazing human being, you're the best friend, wife, and mother I have ever seen. Don't worry about Jaydee, she is still very young and essentially, has a one track mind. Kids are kids, as much as I know you want her life to be perfect, it's just not possible and that's ok. She will always have something to complain about lol, again, she's a kid. If she had another brother that talks, she would want a sister, if she had a sister that didn't do everything the way she wants, she would want another brother or sister. She has two beautiful brothers that love her. She has a beautiful life. She has lots of friends, and cousins. She is not missing out on anything. She is however, growing up right. I like that she has been served with a dose of reality at such an early age. She will grow up stronger, she will view the world differently she will be more compassionate, more patient. She will have the tools to live a fuller, happier life that others who were handed more than she was at an early age will not. I like that. Also, the door has not been closed on that chapter of her life. Justin and Jace will both talk in their own way sooner than later, when they do, like us, she will find so much joy and appreciation in that, which is something most people take for granted. You're doing an amazing Job Lana. Don't ever forget that and try not to get too down, don't ''pity'' Jayde, she has a beautiful life, everything else, the details, the circumstances, that's in God's hands, he made those choices. It is our duty to accept it and trust he knows best. Keep up the great work my love we have so much joy ahead of us, all of us. #autism #autistic #glasschild
Every night when Jayde goes to bed I lay with her for a few minutes and I record our conversation. I ask her to tell me her favorite part of her day and then the conversation just naturally flows. I do this for many reasons but the main one is so I can go back and listen to our conversations and also to save the sound of her voice from each stage of her life. Having a nonspeaking son, her voice is like magic to me. Jace is not nonspeaking but he is considered non-conversational. He has words which I cherish and will never ever take for granted, but he still cannot speak sentences or communicate thoughts. This is very confusing for Jayde, she often brings up her classmates with younger siblings like Jace and she asks me why he can’t talk to her. She knows and has accepted that Justin can’t speak but she wants to know why Jace says words but he wont actually talk to her. She often asks him questions repeatedly and then starts crying telling me that Jace also ignores her like Justin. I can’t explain how heart wrenching this feels. I don’t allow my mind to wander into dark places for too long and I block the feelings I have of having another child with a speech impairment because the pain is too deep. But sometimes, it is really hard to block the feelings I have for Jayde not experiencing having a sibling she can simply talk to. In my conversation with Jayde this night, I wasn’t sad for Justin or Jace. I was sad for her. After I put her to bed I came out of the room and composed myself, but Bobby could tell by my face that something was wrong. He asked me if I was crying and then I just broke down into tears. I told him I felt bad for Jayde. I told him that Justin and Jace will be ok, I will find a way for Justin to communicate through spelling and I will do everything to help Jace unlock his speech so he can speak. But what can I do for Jayde? I really just felt heart broken for Jayde. I shared a screen shot that Bobby text me the next day that really helped heal a part of my heart for her, and I hope it’s helpful for anyone in the same shoes as us. He really gave me the right words to help shift my perspective, there is so much to be thankful for you just have to see it. For those that don’t want to pause and read I will write what he said below: I love you Lana, you're such an amazing human being, you're the best friend, wife, and mother I have ever seen. Don't worry about Jaydee, she is still very young and essentially, has a one track mind. Kids are kids, as much as I know you want her life to be perfect, it's just not possible and that's ok. She will always have something to complain about lol, again, she's a kid. If she had another brother that talks, she would want a sister, if she had a sister that didn't do everything the way she wants, she would want another brother or sister. She has two beautiful brothers that love her. She has a beautiful life. She has lots of friends, and cousins. She is not missing out on anything. She is however, growing up right. I like that she has been served with a dose of reality at such an early age. She will grow up stronger, she will view the world differently she will be more compassionate, more patient. She will have the tools to live a fuller, happier life that others who were handed more than she was at an early age will not. I like that. Also, the door has not been closed on that chapter of her life. Justin and Jace will both talk in their own way sooner than later, when they do, like us, she will find so much joy and appreciation in that, which is something most people take for granted. You're doing an amazing Job Lana. Don't ever forget that and try not to get too down, don't ''pity'' Jayde, she has a beautiful life, everything else, the details, the circumstances, that's in God's hands, he made those choices. It is our duty to accept it and trust he knows best. Keep up the great work my love we have so much joy ahead of us, all of us. #autism #autistic #glasschild

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