@goodmorgantherapy: Follow the link in my bio to come to the live free relationship masterclass! (It’s this Saturday & I’m taking live questions at the end.) TRANSCRIPT: This is the absolute best question I have found to obliterate defensiveness, stop it in its tracks. Whether I’m defensive, he’s defensive, it doesn’t matter, this stops it. “I want to feel like we are on the same team and I think you do too, but right now it doesn’t feel like we are, so what are you hoping comes from this conversation for us?” This is powerful for 4 reasons: 1. It acknowledges my positive intention 2. It acknowledges his positive intention 3. It acknowledges that we are a team and want to be a team 4. It makes us both stop in our tracks and check ourselves. Maybe my intention in that moment is to blame, is to make him mad, is to make him hurt the way I hurt, maybe my intention in that moment is kind of negative. I’d rather choose a better one. We don’t get to choose our first response but we do get to choose our second response, and it is so helpful when my partner or someone I care about or even somebody at work calls me out and lets me choose a different response. It’s awesome! BONUS: It’s so good because we get caught up trying to defend our story thinking we are fighting for the truth. But what are we actually fighting for? We’re not fighting to see who’s right. We’re fighting for the relationship to get better. The reason we are having the hard conversation is because we care about each other and we care about this relationship, and this question gives us the opportunity to say that. For him to say that, for me to say that

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Tuesday 14 January 2025 00:47:48 GMT