@rindorayakii: i dont know why. i dont even know myself. i dont even know who am i. i'm lost. i dont wanna go back to those scariest phase of my life, where i'm numb, anxious, silenced, scrumbled, intertwined trying to find my way to not knowing destination. somewhere i could be myself, i could love myself. i dont know me, i dont know how to love myself, yet i'm trying to love other person rather than someone who could possibly understand me the most, people called it "ourselves". i'm afraid. i feel like the dark is coming to reach me now as i'm trying to catch my own shadow. in the end, a sudden thought comes to my mind. "the shadow is part of the darkness" thinking i could find someone who can lead me to the light. someone who can brighten me up, teach me and bring out the best of me, in order to be myself, the lost self of me. i always finds love in other person, thinking that they could love me just like how i wish i would. but how is it? the love that i wish i would? i never thought that i could love myself even until now. in this whole world, among all of the people i could love, i'm the one. i'm the one i should love. "the flawed me, the not perfect but beautiful. i'm the one, i should love". i never get the love that i want, neither from someone i believe would do, or even me. when it comes to love other person, it also comes to an end where i put myself first, in the centre, in the middle, the places that i consider as a love to myself. care myself, protect and guard it with all the immature experiences. my minds has never been met a peace. peace with myself. peace with everyone. peace with the situations. peace with the results. peace with the letting go. it's only gets worst, day after day, night after night. there's no peace in this cursed world. there's only merely pain and hate. some day, some night, some times, that's the thing that i might scared of. "i'm sorry. i couldn't love you the way you wanted to. i didn't love the wrong person, but i was the wrong person to be loved by you. i just dont know if i could love you more than myself."

rin

Open In TikTok:

Region: MY

Monday 03 February 2025 11:37:45 GMT