@clarkybateman: I used to use hatred as my primary fuel source a couple years ago, giving me these almost manic bursts of energy and anger to push myself. I would direct that hatred inward and blame myself for everything and wallow in it because I knew it could push me to do things I couldn’t normally, but it only ever worked in the short term. I was empty, left with nothing after it faded away and felt hollow and meaningless, so I would slip back down and wait until the cycle could begin again to feel that high. I no longer direct my hatred inwards, but I know that if I keep holding onto it, it’ll be my own demise. You can forgive yourself or others and let go without being too naive. Just don’t forget.