Steph | Attachment Specialist
Region: US
Friday 23 May 2025 03:05:58 GMT
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usr :
I’m a millennial child of boomer parents. Most of the time I’ve learned to just match their energy in our relationship because they will never give me the reaction I’m looking for. If I’m proud of an accomplishment, they bring me down. If I’m sad, they invalidate. So now I just let them decide what they want to bring to the relationship and I match it. It’s not very fulfilling but it keeps me from feeling constantly let down by them.
2025-05-23 03:48:12
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helederfam :
OMG I think the so-called adult kids need to learn some coping skills and pay a personal visit or at least telephone instead of expecting Comfort over a text message
2025-05-24 15:13:31
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Stella Bella :
So when can I stop emotionally coddling my adult child? 30? 40? 50? BTW, do a video and reverse the roles so adult children can learn to communicate with their parents
2025-05-23 18:35:08
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Quote-Therapy :
Could you make a video on how exactly you would respond to that text message ? and thank you for these precious tips🥰
2025-05-23 09:53:28
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Redpurpleyellow :
All of the old people in the comments talking about “toughening up” or “learning how to live in the real world” really are telling on themselves
2025-05-26 14:46:33
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ALH3113 :
I don’t get why this is upsetting for some people on here. Wouldn’t you want any way to respond to our kids that would be helpful instead of how our parents likely responded? Meet them where they are and texts is their mode.
2025-05-25 22:18:56
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Cari 🇲🇽🏳️🌈 :
yeah... that's why I only respond "I'm awesome and you? love you" to my mom 😰
2025-05-23 03:38:46
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skwerlftw :
But if we don’t react like the ENTIRE WORLD is ending when our parents get a hangnail we never hear the end of it
2025-05-23 04:11:43
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choirmoi :
But we also can say the wrong thing when trying to validate those hard emotions. It is like walking a tightrope to parent adult children.
2025-05-23 19:19:29
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TommyLaasorda :
Fair counsel. I’m a proud Joneser #1962. My 4 grown kids each operate & communicate differently. My goal is to engage like THEY want to. I think I’m getting better at it 🤷♂️
2025-05-23 20:34:47
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Jackie 🆘🇺🇸🏳️🌈 :
LOL…they don’t get to know my feelings, because it’s just coming back to bite me.
2025-05-23 04:38:29
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Mel Westie :
When I text my mom about anything in my life, good or bad, she usually responds with what she did that day. No acknowledgment or sympathy. I think she may be a narcissist?
2025-05-24 01:51:40
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Latina Problems :
Two years ago my house was destroyed by a flood, I lost my job the month before and someone stole my identity I couldn’t tell my parents because instead of helping they would try to make their lives even worse aka victim mentality. They have no emotional intelligence to support me
2025-05-25 16:19:27
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user2196352209515 :
Omg !! Is this a joke
2025-05-24 14:03:26
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BURDIE1984 :
matching their emotional depth?? gawd, give it a rest. last thing I'm going to do is validate and coddle my adult kid. if they want that, they can whine to their friends.
2025-06-01 21:35:08
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Nat :
All of the comments from older parents in this honestly have made me so sad! 😱
2025-05-25 19:32:04
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yarrow :
my mom only talks about herself. so if I text something about myself she just responds what she ate or where she went or what someone I don't know in her town did.
2025-05-23 18:08:02
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Mr.Elroy 🇨🇦🇨🇦 :
I’m so confused. I’m GenX. Boomer parents are close to 80. Your example conversation doesn’t sound like a boomer’s “kid”.
2025-06-02 02:04:03
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HMLasso :
living like this is exhausting.
2025-05-24 17:55:16
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Anna :
For the people who are saying children should just call instead, my experience with my boomer parent was the same either texting or calling. No emotional engagement either way. It was worse calling, actually, because she would make it all about her.
2025-05-25 15:27:14
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everydayraven :
Does this work with young teens? I do feel like my responses to my teen are shallow at times because I often don’t really know how to respond
2025-05-23 03:42:16
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M :
Texting in general isn’t a consistently genuine way to communicate, particularly with older people.
2025-05-23 17:06:24
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carmenck :
yes do part two. my boomer mom does the surface level response
2025-05-23 03:58:40
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maryelizsoc :
Not bitter, but observational --The "love you so much" at the end (while not untrue) comes off as "the end" like they don't know what to do with the other stuff. As nice as it sounds to say love you, it's also making it about the parent. I would put money on the next text being from the boomer parent about something completely unrelated and about themselves, to which the adult child has to be available to be the audience the parent needs. This prob also explains sandwiching the rough parts of the day with good things, because the boomer parent is the main character, and we have to be "fine" to keep the focus where it's expected. Boomer parents maybe care in the way they can, but would mostly be so confused that their response is not helpful. But they see themselves as above correction and have a hard time taking responsibility for unsuccessful communication. (proof here in comments!)
2025-05-24 05:18:05
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sunnykait :
My boomer mom has never been able to validate or discuss feelings.
2025-05-23 04:14:05
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