@stephanne221: Anxious attachment doesn’t make you needy, it makes you a pursuer. You chase connection. You initiate hard conversations. You send the vulnerable texts. You try to hold the relationship together, often overfunctioning in order to do so. But over time, when you start to get tired of overfunctioning, we run into something called the Detachment Desequence: 🔹 First, you protest: you request change, you try to provide resources, you give feedback (sometimes in a critical or harsh way) 🔹 Then, when you accept change isn’t coming you Despair: you become helpless/hopeless, sad and resentful 🔹 Then comes the detachment: you’re ready to move on. You don’t feel really anything in response to their emotions about you, whether they be warm or cold. That despair + detachment phase is the birth of the burnt out pursuer. You’re too tired to chase. Too disillusioned to hope. You stop reaching out — not because you’ve healed, but because you’ve lost hope in the relationship being able to meet your needs. And it’s in this place that when your partner may begin showing up for you, that rather than being swept away with relief and joy, there’s actually a huge surge in resentment. That resentment needs to be honored and validated and held if the relationship is going to survive. Comment for a part two if you want me to speak to that, and if you are really wanting to learn more, check out joining The Attachment Academy by visiting the link in my profile. ❤️‍🩹🫶🏻 ##dating##datingadvice##relationships##Relationship##marriage##divorce##breakup##anxiousattachment##anxiousattachmentstyle##avoidantattachment##avoidantattachmentstyle##therapytok##therapistsontiktok##MentalHealth##relationshipadvice

Steph | Attachment Specialist

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Wednesday 25 June 2025 22:48:17 GMT