@stephanne221: Replying to @ᥫ᭡ *please* if there’s anything you can walk away with from learning about burnt out pursuers, it’s that your resentment makes sense!! I deep dive into this in The Attachment Academy, but let’s take a moment to look at it together here ❤️🩹 That anger is your pulse for hope. But when that anger doesn’t have any where to go and it gets stuck in the face of your partner’s empathic blocks, it turns into resentment. Sort of like a dark diamond so to speak. A diamond of shadows marking the absence of the emotional needs you crave from your partner. 💔this HURTS. So yeah!!! When -after years- your partner finally shows up and starts meeting those needs, the anger and resentment flares! (It’s also a sign of safety coming on board but holy cow is that a nuanced thread). Your resentment makes sense and deserves to be held and honored. And actually, it must in order to have any shot at healing the bond. If you want more in depth, nuanced info on this, check the link in my profile to join us at The Attachment Academh where we are taking a super complex deep dive on all of this and how to support yourselves and each other through this process 🤍 #burntoutpursuer #anxiousattachmentstyle #attachmentstyle #anxiousattachment #marriage #divorce #dating #datingtips #breakup #Relationship #relationships #SelfImprovement #healing #HealingJourney #therapytok #therapistsontiktok #datingadvice #fyp
Steph | Attachment Specialist
Region: US
Wednesday 02 July 2025 00:38:22 GMT
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ulfrir_vargrson :
About to go through a divorce that will be handled amicabley, even though I didn’t want it, because my wife doesn’t feel like she can be the mom she needs to be and heal our relationship too. What’s some advice for me as the anxious, burnt out pursuer in the future if I ever decide to try again?
2025-07-14 19:16:39
2
Rue :
I am the burnt out pursuer. I don't want to break up. Can the relationship be saved?
2025-07-07 23:18:56
86
Kamikazi :
Together 10 years. She did beg me to change, I heard her and didn't understand. I let myself get stuck in my lifestyle. She left me and something snapped inside of me and I did it all, everything she asked for. I wish I could have done it sooner. I don't blame her for her resentment. It's too late, I am keeping my new lifestyle none the less. This is the simplest way I can put it. It's not an excuse, just an explanation. I think I struggled to change because I felt constantly stressed out with other obstacles in life I did not give her the time and affection she deserved. When it hurt me I understood, I had to find out first hand. I am never going to forgive myself.
2025-07-07 18:32:43
143
curtisbechtold :
How do you honor, validate and hold that resentment so the relationship has a chance to heal? Is it something both people actively do together?
2025-07-02 01:59:36
141
Lani Lou :
No because if you can do it when you're going to lose me why couldn't you do it when you knew it was hurting me?
2025-07-10 01:15:38
119
BoyMommaJ :
How do you (can you) work thru the resentment? What are the signs you can, or can't?
2025-07-02 03:00:51
31
Kristen :
I am the avoidant and my husband is the burnt out pursuer. He is ready for divorce. Can we come back from this?
2025-11-27 21:06:42
1
Dustin Wagner :
I've changed for the better and she says I'm doing everything right. but she's still withdrawn in many ways. I don't want to lose her but I don't know if this is natural healing or her taking the exit
2025-07-03 14:19:34
24
Mademoiselle♡Designs :
I checked out and now he is doing all,but I despise him ..I told him to stop he had the power to do all along and wait till I no longer cared
2025-07-02 04:47:52
214
777Shellsta :
I've stopped talking .. I feel I'm not allowed to bring up my feelings because if I do they take this as an attack and get defensive and turn into am argument..so now I'm just here quite .. resentment growing .. not knowing what to do and feeling trapped
2025-08-11 02:39:48
9
makkobakko🇨🇦🎺 :
this was my ex, but I was putting in the effort to be available for her, doing 90% of household tasks, cooking, cleaning, primary parent, working full time, and she still used this to say I wasn't doing enough. how does that work?
2025-09-02 22:44:20
0
Jodi Aiello :
Is it fixable or are we always going to have resentment even if it’s fixed. What’s the next move ?!
2025-07-02 13:56:01
41
Lady Fomo :
Why do I feel so guilty tho for having resentment? 😣
2025-07-02 01:01:57
12
TikTokerTikToker1616 :
This is me. Tried doing this…no luck. Tried saying that…no luck. Finally get my way? I’m still stuck in unresolved anger and resentment. Weeks are passing…months, I can’t let down my guard. Feels unsafe. Even with acknowledgment, apology, changed behavior. Can’t totally trust :/
2025-07-02 03:12:01
63
divinekai444 :
This comment section is so validating
2025-07-22 22:09:12
36
Laura 🐈⬛ :
What happens when you get through, say the tough things and then feel paralysed by fear, guilt and anxiety to keep
2025-07-12 12:31:17
5
annagrahams✨️ :
Is there hope? I don’t want to abandon my marriage
2025-07-02 16:15:02
13
Lauren :
But how do you honor the resentment?
2025-07-08 21:47:35
6
Foxybeth 📚🦊 :
This is so validating. I had put an emotional block on myself truly just to save myself and I couldn’t pinpoint why I was so restless. Turns out I needed this validation because I am sobbing. I’m good now
2025-07-12 19:23:42
11
Iriebrz :
Thank you!! Excellent information!
2025-07-02 01:11:20
3
K :
for 3 years I was the one who pushed, whenever I was about to end it, they did a small step and I kept waiting. but at some point, you have to admit that you cannot change someone if they're not willing to do any work
2025-07-13 20:52:10
4
KyloRey the Cat :
What if I buried the anger for a long time bc I wanted to be saved for the kids and I have already gotten to the point where I let the attraction die from the inside out? Is there any coming back from that? 😕
2025-07-31 01:00:45
2
Theresa Artista :
Is there any coming back from this?
2025-07-07 17:16:07
2
Balou :
Can this be solved? If I am the avoidant?
2025-07-11 02:18:24
2
Natalie :
can I add... honoring the resentment is not feeling guilty about the hurt you caused. I actually think that guilt impedes accountability
2025-07-07 18:28:23
2
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