@drewwdaniels: What it feels like to be an Avoidant Partner….is that you’re under a microscope. You’re accused for not being present- except when you’re present for 3 hour fights they can never seem to get right. #avoidantattachment #anxiousattachment #relationshipproblems #relationshipadvice #attachmentstyles #psychology #marriageadvice
"I'm exhausted from constantly having to tiptoe around adults who are fully capable of learning to communicate and hold space for their partner’s emotions — yet refuse to do so. Avoidant behavior isn’t just frustrating, it’s emotionally draining, immature, and deeply selfish. I shouldn’t have to carry the full weight of emotional responsibility in a relationship. It feels less like a partnership and more like raising a grown child. If people who avoid connection and accountability aren’t willing to grow, they should just date each other and stop wasting the time of those of us who actually want a healthy, reciprocal relationship."
2025-07-16 19:57:54
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Ainslie Taylor :
You can’t have a healthy relationship with people like this. I have learned this the hard way.
2025-07-11 10:44:41
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cm15 :
Who cares about what avoidants are thinking! Avoidance is abusive. The longer it goes, the more abuse. It is not on the victim to understand the abusers feelings or pov. It’s on the avoidant to understand themself and fix their own issues so they can function as an equal emotional partner. If they can’t/wont do that, then no amount of understanding on the part of the victim will matter. But repeatedly telling victims that it is THEIR role to understand and work on it, simply gaslights and victimizes them even more and encourages them to stay in an unhealthy relationship by making it THEIR job to fix things. The thing is, avoidants’ abuse CAUSES anxious attachment from even healthy partners. Staying isn’t a healthy choice, but since avoidant abuse is hard to identify and prove, even to oneself, even healthy people often stay way longer than they would if the abuse was overt.
2025-07-16 13:12:15
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Heather McKenzie475 :
I gave my husband a list of three boundaries that I need if we were to move on after infidelity, and he basically construed that as demands. Like, no… these are my limits. You don’t have to abide by them, but that means I’m gone.
2025-07-11 01:49:47
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Zamonia :
I do understand them but there must be a solution to hold em accountable
2025-07-12 01:01:42
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Sleeping Bees Flower Farm :
Oh my god yes! My husband is the avoidant and he acts like a judge and prosecutor. I’m presenting my case (my feelings) and he decides if they’re valid. It’s so exhausting.
2025-07-19 07:41:10
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Caroline Holden Boudreau :
After decades of dancing around language, I’m over walking on eggshells. My feelings are just as valid but I’m the one who has to sacrifice that. So over it.
2025-07-13 19:15:52
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Sydney Lackey :
Then why when they regulate they’re like omg I would love to do that for you and be better, then pretend they do the work yet, show up with a big fat “F” at the test that is the opportunity to prove the work is being done.
2025-09-09 01:31:20
0
smee :
I keep getting told that I need to self soothe. Evidently, my avoidant partner is never going to change.
2025-07-15 01:52:46
5
🏳️🌈Helene Jones 🇨🇦 🧡 :
That’s their problem. I’m done trying to raise adults
2025-07-16 16:55:59
43
Januaryspade 🇨🇦 :
Ironic how their fears are reinforced by their strategy .
2025-07-12 13:32:58
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Elizabeth Simcha Grace 🌻 :
Ok. How can they stop doing this please? I’m so tired.
2025-07-12 16:16:30
35
Paigececils :
That is not my problem!
2025-07-19 15:32:41
6
EntirelyErica :
Well I told him to love me or leave me . I’m so tired of crying .
2025-07-12 04:03:39
7
Zandile🇿🇦🇰🇪 :
He always said I'm manipulative and always guilt trip him .. didn't understand how
2025-07-11 07:01:58
7
Finn :
This is soooo good. Excellent metaphor
2025-07-11 22:05:56
3
Lauren :
Idk I feel like "avoidants" are just emotionally immature. We are adults and people should not have to tip toe or find a million ways to get through to someone who should care about their partner's feelings too. It's exhausting
2025-07-31 13:09:03
3
bibienbillie :
I gave her two years to understand this. Gave her space until she was ready to talk (3/4 months until I couldn’t take it anymore) tried to explain that I just wanted to reconnect and work on things together. That she’s always enough for me I’m just communicating what I need. When I stopped explaining and giving space but set boundaries, she left. I’m heartbroken
2025-07-24 13:43:49
1
sweets :
then why don’t they just say that.
2025-07-16 17:08:20
4
....eh.... :
how do we get the avoidant one to stop blaming you for all the relationship problems with you and their friends. And get them to stop treating their friends better than they treat you. Also keep them from from choosing their friends over you. let me know.😑
2025-07-22 20:20:15
3
🔐AllTheInfo :
the comments are looking 4 answers
2025-07-20 13:11:14
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The Blessing Report :
Yes open conversation
2025-07-11 01:15:47
3
Carmen Garcia-Duarte :
Yessssssssss. All of this
2025-07-12 03:39:30
2
mellowjellofellow :
Doesn't help I (👋the anxious attached 👋) am a literal lawyer 😆...
2025-08-05 11:05:36
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