Steph the Attachment Professor
Region: US
Tuesday 12 August 2025 03:14:52 GMT
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andrewodonnellmusic :
Wow so if you stop self abandonment u stop dealing with people who emotionally abandon you. I love it
2025-08-12 15:20:05
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carrrrlz :
i stopped the self shaming and over explaining but now i just get angry and frustrated with the other person for lacking empathy and accountability 😭
2025-08-12 19:34:05
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Mike H :
Man, what is it like to be understood? Like what’s that even like?
2025-08-12 15:57:05
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lindseyleighb :
“People understand me so little that they do not even understand when I complain of being misunderstood.” —Søren Kierkegaard, in his journal, August 1, 1835
2025-08-13 13:10:04
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Macy :
The way my Mom and I were going through my childhood diary and over half of my entries start with an apology to my diary for not being consistent enough or for some other perceived failing. And I said to my Mom, “Wow, I apologized a lot for just existing. Do you know why?” She was oblivious. 🙄 Meanwhile, I’ve spent my entire adult life learning how to have expectations and standards for how people treat me and not apologizing for things that aren’t my fault or for things that require no apology at all.
2025-08-12 03:56:29
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AHA :
OK. So, now what? I'm not sure about MY shame. I've drawn boundaries and had hard conversations, but they still invalidate me.
2025-08-12 06:35:03
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Wiz :
Part 2 needed!!! Because… what do I do? How do I self soothe… how do I become okay with being misunderstood.
2025-08-12 20:18:18
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banty_trans_rooster :
So if we're gonna wind up alone either way, why bother including other people in the emotional experience? Aren't we just better off processesinf by ourselves?
2025-08-12 15:23:03
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Queen Enna :
Once you get past the shame though, the rage turns to those who hurt you and that is hard for those who never want accountability in the first place :Y
2025-08-12 16:06:48
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Lady Fomo :
Not you calling me out on the self gaslighting 💀
2025-08-12 03:36:00
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JustJeannie :
Good Lord. This is a really helpful visual aid! Kinda describes my whole childhood and 20’s. 😭
2025-08-12 16:06:32
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WaffleApprovedChaos :
When they invalidate, I just skip all those steps and just be alone. Much less effort.
2025-08-13 03:42:17
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Mercedes Andrews :
Omg part 2 please!!!
2025-08-12 05:01:08
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Cereal :
The people in my life might not understand me, but this random lady on TikTok makes me feel like a real person.
2025-08-15 16:07:06
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Tina :
I feel that boundaries are a way to deal with it. when we don't internalize their misunderstanding or refusal to try to understand. we get to the point where being understood or validated isn't something we need to understand and validate ourselves. we stop over-explaining or apologizing for existing. and we reject the idea of shame being put on us. even if what they are doing feels rejecting, we don't have to reject ourselves.
2025-08-12 12:49:59
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kilmameri :
add to this that I used "i do not have emotions" as a cope when I was younger. I knew I was different from others (autistic, clever). I saw others being very emotional when I wasnt about those things. didnt fit it, thought, coped with "im so smart, Better than those emotionals. it makes sense I dont have emotions, im better than that, I use logic instead. im so smart they dont understand me, im on a different level" and then i try to maintain that emotionless state, that intellect. then, imagine how my world then crumbled when I was disappointed when my hope of the world actually being better (if i move away, ill find where I be long) got crushed, I got depressed, I wasnt able to do school. thats my hope for a better future, my prized emotionless state and my pride in my school achievements and intellect, gone. and I had nothing more after that. I was empty for a year, then slowly began to fill back up
2025-08-12 20:31:30
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Katie 🇨🇦 :
So this is happening to me, but his constant misunderstanding of me is that I'm angry when I'm calm and neutral-toned, so I explain to him that he doesn't need to continue feeling bad because I'm not mad at him, and then he takes that as me invalidating his feelings, and then he starts his own cycle of this where he is now a victim. It's treacherous. God forbid I am actually angry, my relaxed/content/distracted/neutral tone of voice is deemed aggressive :/
2025-08-16 16:16:38
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Beth Ryan :
Well said 👏
2025-09-18 19:37:22
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sawyer_jo123 :
Not me BAWLING at 10:30 am 😭😅
2025-08-27 17:32:57
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Arbitrary Moniker🇲🇽🇺🇸 :
I never got to the shame & attacking myself. Instead with my stbx I got to the FU part quickly. I learned quickly how much damage his authoritarian emotionally immature parents did to him. I have strong relationships with family, long time friends & zero connection with him. I refused to beg to be heard and seen because I had NEVER experienced that growing up or with friends as I got older. He would tell you he’s always wanted a connection, but the reality is he is incapable. He’s robotic & cold. He always tried to stifle the kids emotions as well & I had zero tolerance for that.
2025-08-12 04:15:34
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Annndrea :
I don’t understand how it turns to shame. Can elaborate on that part, please?
2025-08-13 01:49:56
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Amanda :
Part 2👀
2025-08-12 19:28:35
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Bert Macklin, FBI :
this can happen at work, too.
2025-08-12 17:22:46
1
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