Brenna Lynn
Region: US
Monday 18 August 2025 04:05:38 GMT
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Phae :
After it got to a point with my partner where we were thinking of moving in together, I had to sit him down and have a proper talk about how I had insecurities about resentment building about how little I could do on the day to day. If he wanted to end things I would have understood, it's hard when you find out just how much a disability affects someone. Luckily, he responded with reassurance and picking up the chores I struggled with whenever he came over. He doesn't even live here and was doing my dishes and making meals when I was living off take out, noodles, and microwave dinners. 🥰 I've never met someone more considerate
2025-08-18 15:56:15
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Leo :
I agree, but it’s also important to remember that sexual/dating preferences and attraction don’t exist in a vacuum. Society absolutely influences what people find attractive, and if that society is racist, transphobic, ableist, etc, chances are some of those preferences are as well
2025-08-19 16:58:35
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Sarah :
Well said
2025-08-18 18:55:22
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AjailynM :
ohh finally the answer to people saying being sapiosexual is abliest ty!! I can't help that I find intelligence attractive. And it's not just book smarts..
2025-08-19 17:21:48
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Adam Johannesson :
Would be reasonable
2025-08-18 06:20:37
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Amy Adler :
also. if you're as healthy in body and (especially) mind as you can possibly be, you'll likely find that you don't *need* another person to validate your existence. so looking for a partner becomes something you do to enrich your life and not prove you're worthy.
2025-08-23 08:59:14
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tsweat73 :
can disprove that one. never have and never will be attractive to anyone
2025-08-20 05:07:07
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Alilunstable 🦘 :
Please don't say differently abled. We're not differently abled, we are disabled
2025-08-18 04:44:11
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calebvanvooren :
I would like to add that people should still examine their implicit bias in attraction. while no one is entitled to attraction or sexual attention we should all insure our unattraction or attraction aren't a result of dehumanizing or fetishizing because of traits someone can't control. to be clear I'm attempting a very nuanced take here. no one is owed attraction but if for example you were attracted to someone then find out they are autistic and assume they would not be able to be in a relationship because they at disabled (infantalization) I would encourage that person to examine their implicit bias. they might still be incompatible and the autism may even contribute to that but it should be based in reality not a stereotyped version of what you imagine that disability to be. does that make sense?
2025-08-18 13:55:53
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Wobblez91 :
If anything equating poor health to disability is more ableist than not being attracted to someone because of their disability. I've been disabled my entire life. I've also been various degrees of healthy independent of my disability throughout my life.
2025-08-18 05:52:34
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:
I love how so many people are desperately trying twist your words into something that specifically applies to them and is somehow offensive
2025-08-18 14:38:19
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lucych.7 :
Heavy on the no one is entitled to sex or to have a relationship just because they want it. It's not a human right and it is not a survival need. Want vs need is being so assumed to be one in the same when it is not. Entitlement is a BIG turn off and red flag. Men complain about women choosing people they find attractive (which is a wide spectrum even depending even on time of the month) when they focus all their attention on women who are so pretty they look unreal (And btw, yes! queens! Work it!) and regardless of their own appearance and hygiene they think they deserve a Victoria's Secret model sort of woman with incredible features but who accept the bare minimum, and they themselves wouldn't pursue girls they don't find attractive. They would sleep with them in a 'pinch', but they wouldn't want to be seen with them. They are openly hostile and mean to 'ugly' women without any remorse but expect women to be pathetically grateful for any morsel of attention from a man they are not attracted to. The call is coming from inside the house.
2025-08-18 04:57:07
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Ivy 📚📚✍️🔮 :
Look I’m someone who is chronically ill and even though I am in mild stages of illness, comparatively, it still impacts my life and the lives of anyone I’m involved with. I get not wanting to deal with it especially if you’re someone who is a very on the go, active person who wants a partner who can keep up. Does it suck? A little but so does being chronically ill in general so
2025-08-18 12:56:49
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Theodore :
This! I once got dragged for venting about my irritation that a guy revealed his agoraphobia three dates in. It was the deception that bothered me - pretending to be as outgoing as I was until I got attached, then bait-and-switched to “oh actually for mental health reasons we have to just to Netflix and chill from now on”. I doubt he was even agoraphobic. Joke’s on him, I wasn’t as attached as he thought 😆 but when I posted the story so many commenters said I was ableist for not wanting to settle for Netflix and chill with a deceptive agoraphobic guy!
2025-08-18 04:17:48
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CakeandCute :
I think you understood my reaction wrong. I totally agree that nobody owes it to anyone to find them attractive, that's not a human right at all. What i meant is that for you to say that you need to be healthy to be attractive to someone is ableist. As someone with an invisible illness, that has nothing to do with how i look or how i function on the outside. It's not about someone finding me or others like me attractive, it's about the narrative that you need to be healthy to be attractive. What you said in this video is a lot different, trying to be as healthy as you can to your ability. I just want to point out to not talk about health as something you see as 'taking care of your body', that has nothing to do with someones health a lot of the time.
2025-08-18 06:58:53
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jack :
while yes, sexual attraction is never owed, i think its important to note here that examining one's sexual attraction absolutely is (as we see from similar discussions re. ethnicity in dating). are you turned off by someone's disability due to a genuine incompatibility or might it be because of prejudices you hold regarding said disability?
2025-08-18 05:40:12
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SigfridoElErguido :
I think you missed the mark on this one, Brenna. The complaint was about how our ableist culture pushes the ideas that health is entirely under our individual control and that it's a personal moral failing if someone is disabled or unhealthy, as if there were no social determinants of health that make disability more common in certain populations and just random genetic lottery that no one can control. It's the kind of individualist thinking being pushed by RFK Jr. and the other clowns being put in federal institutions. I don't think the commenter meant that disabled people are owed sexual attraction.
2025-08-18 07:25:36
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GiGi 🐋 :
one of my first crushes was a boy in a wheelchair, actually he was very popular. He was very cute and charming.
2025-08-18 04:31:33
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Catharsync :
even outside of attraction: it's okay not to want to date a disabled person. Full stop. Disabilities don't exist in a void, they can affect every part of your life. Especially with long-term partners, the partner of a disabled person can end up fulfilling certain caretaker roles in some cases, and in most cases there is going to be some effect that disability has on their life. If you're someone who will not be able to calmly handle a person you love having a chronic pain flare-up, or autistic meltdown, or sedentary week due to limb issues (depending on what their disability is ofc), you should not be dating that person. It's traumatizing to date someone who claims to be okay with your disability but can't actually handle it when that disability affects your life.
2025-08-18 06:26:15
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Shellen Lubin :
Emotional Health? Really? The trend in America for many years are women who are completely unhealthy emotionally—deferential, co-dependent, and overly vulnerable.
2025-08-18 10:34:18
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klh1106 :
there is probably millions of people who are objectively attractive on this planet which look no different than cardboard to me on my personal attraction scale cause they aren't my type. that doesn't mean they aren't attractive or are worth less. I'd be horrified if they felt that way. I dont find anyone outside my age so below around 22-23 or above 28-29 as attractive, I don't find men or masculine people attractive, i dont find certain personalities attractive, I don't find people with certain makeup or fashion styles attractive. because its not my type. that isn't a judgement on their worth or character and it's a shame people seem to take visual attraction as a measure of someones objective worth.
2025-08-18 04:18:20
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Mx Catherine :
differently abled? yikes on bikes. you're not qualified to talk about what is or isn't ableism.
2025-08-19 18:50:25
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Praetor :
The whole argument on how it's not lookism for women to exclude you from the dating market because you're not owed sex rests upon the fact that in this current day and age we don't view something as a right or something you're owed. That's like saying in the 1800s beating your slave to death isn't racist because black people aren't owed freedom. It's definitely lookism to be reproductively alienated by the sexual selectors (women) and subsequently be genocided based on your looks.
2025-08-19 21:53:30
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