Tess RedArrow
Region: US
Sunday 24 August 2025 20:05:26 GMT
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DisAsteroth | Vtuber :
So much purple prose, in combination with info dumping? Idk seems like it’s trying to give an unnatural voice
2025-08-25 11:41:12
31
S :
aside from the obvious infodumping, there's no way she went from juvenile writing to fairly decent within a month on her own accord. Something's not right here.
2025-08-25 12:06:15
144
Adika D.N 📚 :
It’s way better but then why does this read like an omniscient pov rather than a first person pov
2025-08-24 21:03:34
110
𝐉𝐚𝐝 :
this feels like a ghost writer or AI...
2025-08-25 15:49:36
39
Prinda :
when you know she didn't write this but you can't prove it
2025-08-28 00:45:35
7
vincentvangoghwild :
It sounds better but the voice is completely different from the original and it makes me wonder if she’s actually the one writing it?? The jump is MASSIVE.
2025-08-25 06:48:11
91
anikka | writer ✨🪻 :
It def 100% sounds better. My concern is how they sort of just skipped developmental edits. The prose sounds better (and is not full of errors anymore lol) but the core of the story still needs work. You can’t fix an overall plot by only doing line edits chapter by chapter.
2025-08-25 03:25:27
68
heycontrary 🇦🇺 :
It feels like what they call ‘purple prose’ with too much info dumping and bad pacing.
2025-08-25 03:32:15
28
Katie Cingel | Fantasy Author :
It’s an improvement but I would say this still lacks finesse. And it’s a COMPLETELY different author voice from the first version. Which feels to me like she’s hired a ghostwriter. Will be interesting to see if the developmental issues are still present.
2025-08-25 14:28:06
20
Ryan :
Sorry but this prose is barely better. Purple for purple’s sake.
2025-08-25 13:17:44
14
Caramel Raccoon :
While this is definitely not worse, we are still several pages in and I do not know who the hell this character is. And thus, I do not care about this story, and so by now I have put the book down
2025-08-25 06:23:36
47
Viviannn :
This is a great improvement but the info dumping is egregious
2025-08-25 03:11:21
93
Jane Grayson :
anyone else feel like this is ai? 😭
2025-08-25 14:01:18
7
twinsunmoon :
Holy cow this is so much better
2025-08-24 20:18:37
16
mchirdon :
I didn’t read the original so I’ll have to believe everyone who says this is much improved. I agree with you that there are some really nice turns of phrase, but overall, I think it’s very wordy and I have no idea what it is about.
2025-08-25 00:41:35
43
McLean’s Jamz Corner :
So yeah she got a ghost writer. Hope someone read the whole thing and highlights how drastically her writing has changed in a month.
2025-08-26 04:27:50
10
SlavaCynical :
Maybe this is just evidence that i dont read a lot of fantasy, but its usually frowned upon to start with multiple pages of pure info dumping. The writing is much better but i would advise to start mis en scene and then give the exposition or mix it in
2025-08-25 02:25:17
37
NachaŠ :
What soldiers? There was a war? Was the conflict related to the woolfs? Who is this person?
2025-08-25 05:44:43
15
alainacristi :
I’m a writer myself and I feel like this whole debacle is a prime example of what a good editor can do for a book, & why authors should listen to the editors notes/ guidance. Version 1 of Age of Scorpius read like a first draft where the point is to just put words on paper and for the author to tell the story to themselves not yet to be seen or read by others. Which is why it came off as unintelligible to readers but understood by the author.
2025-08-25 03:03:28
21
notAi :
Evidence can’t dwell
2025-08-25 12:55:42
5
Chase Gamwell - Sci-fi Author :
I agree that it’s much improved, but I feel like the writing voice is completely different from V1, which makes me wonder how heavily the editor is shaping this new version.
2025-08-25 06:15:34
58
Ofelia—Writer 🥀🖤 :
Holy Editor, Batman! This is so much better.
2025-08-24 20:25:33
13
Adika D.N 📚 :
If this is how she intends to write this, then she shud switch from first person pov to omniscient cos no one’s internal monologue sounds like this
2025-08-25 05:33:43
11
paige :
yeah no way she wrote this
2025-08-25 07:17:11
12
T. S. Hallowgrave :
She's hired a ghost writer but likely did not choose a very experienced one.
2025-08-27 12:17:25
2
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