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Monday 25 August 2025 05:06:33 GMT
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Here’s a joke about the time I went to Kansas for a comedy festival. I asked my friend for his blessing before posting, and he okayed it, though he was nervous this bit might make him come across as a shitty white savior. I don’t think it does. If anything, I think it makes it look like we have some sorta Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck thing going on.  •  The John Brown Museum sits in Osawatomie, Kansas and is pretty much the only thing in the state worth visiting outside of Kansas City (though I’ve yet to visit the World's Largest Collection of Smallest Versions of Largest Things in Lucas, KS, so I may yet eat my words). The museum houses what remains of John Brown’s Kansan home, a few family artifacts, and various weapons he and his sons used to kill slave owners and attack Harpers Ferry, a federal armory in present-day West Virginia.  •  During our tour, we spotted char marks throughout the building. The steward informed us that part of the museum was burned in 1995 when a meth addict tried to rob the place so he could sell historic artifacts for drug money. While I don’t support the burning of museums, I 100% woulda bought a slave-killing sword from a methhead. There’s still a lot I have to learn about myself, but that I know for sure.  •  Before John Brown was executed by the U.S. government in 1859 for being too cool for America to handle, his final words – written on a note he handed his jailer before being led to the gallows – were:
Here’s a joke about the time I went to Kansas for a comedy festival. I asked my friend for his blessing before posting, and he okayed it, though he was nervous this bit might make him come across as a shitty white savior. I don’t think it does. If anything, I think it makes it look like we have some sorta Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck thing going on. • The John Brown Museum sits in Osawatomie, Kansas and is pretty much the only thing in the state worth visiting outside of Kansas City (though I’ve yet to visit the World's Largest Collection of Smallest Versions of Largest Things in Lucas, KS, so I may yet eat my words). The museum houses what remains of John Brown’s Kansan home, a few family artifacts, and various weapons he and his sons used to kill slave owners and attack Harpers Ferry, a federal armory in present-day West Virginia. • During our tour, we spotted char marks throughout the building. The steward informed us that part of the museum was burned in 1995 when a meth addict tried to rob the place so he could sell historic artifacts for drug money. While I don’t support the burning of museums, I 100% woulda bought a slave-killing sword from a methhead. There’s still a lot I have to learn about myself, but that I know for sure. • Before John Brown was executed by the U.S. government in 1859 for being too cool for America to handle, his final words – written on a note he handed his jailer before being led to the gallows – were: "I, John Brown, am now quite certain that the crimes of this guilty land will never be purged away but with blood. I had, as I now think, vainly flattered myself that without very much bloodshed it might be done.” Say what you will about domestic terrorism (because, let’s be real, the John Brown Museum is inarguably a monument honoring a religious extremist terrorist being the good guy), but that’s a pretty badass way of saying, “My only regret is I shoulda killed more of ‘em.” • Please follow me so I don’t get kicked out of comedy, and remember: Never argue with someone John Brown woulda shot. • • • #comedy #history #usa #standup

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