candicekane.v2 :
Everything he’s saying is true: your spouse matters more than almost any choice you’ll make. But here’s the piece that’s missing-
Most people don’t “choose wrong” on purpose. We’re shaped long before we ever say “I do.”If you grew up in a home where love was mixed with chaos, criticism, or neglect, your nervous system learned to normalize red flags. You were taught to ignore your needs, to take care of others first, to call dysfunction “love.”So when it’s time to choose a partner, you aren’t just choosing from freedom—you’re choosing from programming. Until we stop and unlearn those patterns, we will often repeat them.
That’s why real healing isn’t just about being careful who you pick—it’s about doing the work to recognize why we’re drawn to certain dynamics, and rewriting those old scripts. Otherwise, even the smartest, strongest, most faithful people can end up repeating the very pain they swore they’d never allow.
Healing breaks the cycle. Awareness changes the choices. That’s how we protect ourselves and the families we build. The very nature of childhood conditioning is that it feels normal. If you grew up with criticism, silence, or neglect, that becomes your baseline. Intelligent people can dissect politics, business, or science — but when it comes to their own nervous system, they can’t see what’s hidden in plain sight. It’s like trying to see the water when you’re a fish.
2025-08-27 12:09:50