@psychicmediumjesseking: Every bastard morning starts the same – me dragging myself out of bed before the sun, because apparently 30+ animals don’t care that I’m knackered and need a lie in ☕🐷🐾 First stop is the Saint Bernard puppies – cute? Yes. Angelic? Fuck no. They’re furry little landmines of drool and chaos, tackling me like it’s WrestleMania before I can even find my wellies. Then it’s onto the goat gang: Brooke’s, Reba, Laine, and Wilson – four stroppy bastards who make it their life’s mission to overthrow me. Reba especially… if looks could kill, I’d be buried in the pig pen already. The adult Saints – Honey, Bonnie, Ace, Boss, Neville, Sulley, and Bentley – all 200lbs of slobbering entitlement, lining up like they’re in some posh carvery queue. They act starved, yet somehow eat better than I do. Then the pot belly pigs – Pigtunia, Penelopig, and Pepper – three greedy little bastards that scream like I’m committing war crimes if I’m five seconds late with breakfast. And of course, the piglets: Ginger, Piggy Minaj, and Cardi-Pig. Tiny, squealing demons in pink suits, running laps like they’ve done a line of Red Bull before sunrise. By the time I’ve fed them all, I’m covered in mud, drool, bite marks, and regret. It’s like starring in a reality TV show called “Essex Twat vs The Barnyard” where the animals win every single episode. But I wouldn’t swap it – well, maybe on mornings where the goats headbutt me into a fence post. Until then, I’ll keep being the underpaid zookeeper of this asylum and share it with you lot. You’re welcome. #FarmTok #AnimalChaos #MorningMadness #fyp #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

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Thursday 28 August 2025 13:42:42 GMT