Drew Daniels
Region: US
Monday 01 September 2025 19:43:16 GMT
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Drew Daniels :
I think what connects is that they can relate with the pain of discomfort. and when they notice that their partner has a very real conscious suffering of discomfort it really challenges them to think differently about their avoidance
2025-09-01 19:46:19
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Monica :
As the anxious person who has been hurt over and over by avoidant behaviors of my partner, I want to understand this analogy, but I really don't understand this analogy right now. I get that it's meant for the avoidant partner, not the anxious partner, but I still don't get it.
2025-09-01 23:28:09
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orbit.outlier :
They probably think they’re the ones in the water waiting 🤭
2025-09-02 06:31:47
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J :
Avoidants never learned how to define- or translate emotions into words, therefore - an 'avoidant' cannot understand what an 'anxious' truly means when the 'anxious' is expressing their emotions with words. An avoidant understand logic, therefore - using metaphors as a way of translating/explaining an emotion = a sense of understanding for an avoidant.
2025-09-02 22:25:58
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beatricemmatis :
I have to agree basically I don't understand how the avoiding is getting it because basically he's been drowning me the whole time that I've been in the river holding me under the water how does he start understanding with this analogy?
2025-09-13 03:03:22
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Claudie 🌸⚜️🇨🇦 :
Avoidant is the one getting out or the one stuck in the river??
2025-10-25 21:53:00
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Leeky :
A good analogy to help avoidant understand the pain of others. Though surely, the onus isn’t on the avoidant to rescue or pull their partner out of the river, it should be about working together to build a bridge to cross the river, so neither fall back in, but cross to the safety that lies on the other side.
2025-09-01 22:08:53
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annakye333 :
Parter 1 jumped in, even though uncomfortable at first, and is in the river (trying to resolve whatever conflict the couple has going on - and is staying there trying and trying and trying) - partner 2 is the avoidant, outside the river because they don’t like the initial discomfort ….so they stay out… and partner 1 stays in. But the resolution is in the river - and conflict remains until the aboidant jumps in (emotionally) so both partners are in the river —- then they can come out of the river/conflict
2025-09-08 02:52:17
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tasusi1 :
I’m not grasping it either. Are you saying that the avoidant partner recognises their partners pain when it dawns on them that the anxious partner has done all the emotional work and become ready to break free?
2025-09-02 00:53:59
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Hanna Hermez :
I empathize with him,but glad to be out of that uncomfortable relationship. What a relief.
2025-09-01 22:04:13
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Notsoserene :
Seems commenters are confused because they think you meant how to understand the avoidant - not the other way around
2025-09-02 01:16:14
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libstinator :
This is literally what happened in my last marriage. My partner was absolutely oblivious to how his avoidance was leaving me stranded and in pain for years until he finally had a moment where he honestly confronted his own feelings AND THEN realized how I must have felt for all those years. It was honestly wild to see him realize it for the first time. He was appropriately mortified and felt horrible, but we couldn’t repair our marriage.
2025-09-02 14:22:42
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Duo Maxwell :
I need this on her fyp not mine
2025-09-02 03:29:57
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Mims :
I think the avoidants are not understanding this post.
2025-09-02 12:33:31
1
xJSavagex :
How I interpreted it or my understanding of it is initially this quote “If you don’t heal, what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.” And the only way for the avoidant to heal, is to sit in that discomfort, and come to the realization they are inadvertently directing that pain onto the partner who didn’t cause it in the first place.
2025-09-04 01:43:31
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zacht is kracht :
i dont get it
2025-09-02 13:28:01
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Manders :
Isn’t shock therapy—to continue with your freezing water analogy—risky for people whose psyches have evolved for protection through flight and not exposure? Is there a ‘toe in the water’ method as well or does success require immersion?
2025-09-06 23:04:17
1
Joy :
Mind blown 🤯
2025-09-03 01:01:21
1
Sydney Lackey :
What?
2025-09-12 03:16:04
0
Guardian Kerab :
perfect illustration
2025-09-08 15:06:35
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Jay_🧿🖤 :
As an anxious person, this was all I really wanted from my ex. I’m ADHD. I wanted her to read about it. She wouldn’t. She would’ve bought me a house but wouldn’t read one document about ADHD
2025-10-02 00:20:10
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barbydoll1968 :
So they get to hurt us and we have to fix it???
2025-10-17 09:59:32
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jordan :
i’m so confused, what are you trying to say here?
2025-10-03 22:15:25
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R :
I dont understand. And I see in the comments that Im not alone.
2025-11-19 17:46:38
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vita.radzina :
Of just they heard us
2025-09-02 06:13:22
0
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