@eunaeemily: It’s been almost a full year since I left for Korea to meet my family for the very first time. It’s impossible to remember all that’s happened. I find myself confused when I look at photos. I know the pictures are of me but are they really? I don’t recognize that person. I do feel envious of her — full of hope and expectation of not knowing what was going to happen next. She still had time to put an end to this. No one knows what happened between the car ride to Dulles and a week later in front of the adoption agency. How many times I almost backed out. I was thirty minutes late to the most important meeting of my life because I didn’t really plan on going through with it. I thought about ghosting everyone,to all of you here who see my posts and pretending like nothing ever happened. I’m glad I didn’t, of course. My life has been enriched in ways that I could have never imagined but it’s also ripped apart who I thought I was and what I care about. It feels impossible to fully respect the gravity of what was lost and what was gained. I keep telling you, my friends, myself that I’m ready to unpack it but that’s not really true. I don’t know how. How do you move forward knowing what you lost? Not even the imagined life you could have had but to see exactly where you would have fit? I’m too tired to explain to people how much it doesn’t matter that my life here was good, I want them to understand it should have never happened this way. I’m angry. Furious at the systems that put me in this position. Split between the love I have for my family in America while also being haunted by my 아빠 and 할머니 pain from our separation. I never feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be. When I’m there, I think how I should be here. When I’m here, all I can think about is getting back to where I should have never left. Pictures: They start from our meeting until the end of this first trip. As the days passed, I can see how we relaxed. How happy we both were. #koreanadoption #koreanadoptee #adopteevoices #adoptionjourney #adoptionstory #transracialadoptee

Eunaeemily

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Region: US

Wednesday 03 September 2025 22:02:08 GMT