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Thursday 11 September 2025 18:50:32 GMT

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(Watch on 2x speed) I left out so much. The throwing up. The shaking. The inconsolable crying. I can't tell you all i've been through in just a tiktok. It's been a kind of hell I can't even put in words. I was so sad at first but I've met with amazing caseworkers, psychiatrists, & doctors and my mental health is so back!! I would not be back on social media sharing this if I wasn't mentally doing amazing because the weight of all of this is more than one care bear, but somehow I've been getting through it. The first year of my psychosis I couldnt hold a job or take care of myself. Things got very bad & ugly quickly. I went without my basic necessiticies during snow storms i slept in my car. & when it was 90° out and I had no AC. The only way I survived was self regulating. I prayed to God to not let me die and he adapted my body to whatever temperature and I somehow stayed alive. I was ready to die, and just leave my life where it was. But God just kept me alive each day, and I started getting up one day at a time. And now I'm someone I dont even recognize. 1. I keep my car clean. My clothes are folded inside my bins & suitcases. I shower & brush my teeth everyday. Just because im homeless doesnt mean I have to be dirty. I work a full time job and I'm in school. What I went through does not mean that I have to give up on myself. There's a lot I havent shared and there's a lot still left to say. 2. Just like how your body can physically get sick, your brain can too. If you have a bad lung, no matter how hard you train you'll never get better or stronger cause there's nothing YOU can do, trying to keep training is only hurting yourself more. You need professional intervention. That's what I needed during my major depressive episode but I did not know and I kept pushing myself so I fell into a pyschosis that was only getting worse & wouldve eventually lead to my certain death had I not taken the initiative by my own will to fight to get better. 3. Ive never had anyone in my life who truly loved me or went hard for me so I became that person who will go hard for myself. I have 0 support system. I only have myself. No one knows im living in my car and it's honestly not their business. I got this, i'm handling it. Im not asking for anything so I don't owe anyone anything. I dont even want any help i want everyone to get off me and let me breathe. I ive been alone this whole time so just leave me alone. I just live my life day to day, quiet, & happy and grateful to have my mind back. That's all I can ask for. It's not for anyone to understand. 4. I made this video because im ready to start moving forward with my life. I don't want revenge. I just want to be happy. Im building a whole new life from scratch and it starts now. I WANT TO share this. I have no shame. This video isnt perfect and none of my next videos will be, Im gonna be imperfectly me☺️ from here on out.

(Watch on 2x speed) I left out so much. The throwing up. The shaking. The inconsolable crying. I can't tell you all i've been through in just a tiktok. It's been a kind of hell I can't even put in words. I was so sad at first but I've met with amazing caseworkers, psychiatrists, & doctors and my mental health is so back!! I would not be back on social media sharing this if I wasn't mentally doing amazing because the weight of all of this is more than one care bear, but somehow I've been getting through it. The first year of my psychosis I couldnt hold a job or take care of myself. Things got very bad & ugly quickly. I went without my basic necessiticies during snow storms i slept in my car. & when it was 90° out and I had no AC. The only way I survived was self regulating. I prayed to God to not let me die and he adapted my body to whatever temperature and I somehow stayed alive. I was ready to die, and just leave my life where it was. But God just kept me alive each day, and I started getting up one day at a time. And now I'm someone I dont even recognize. 1. I keep my car clean. My clothes are folded inside my bins & suitcases. I shower & brush my teeth everyday. Just because im homeless doesnt mean I have to be dirty. I work a full time job and I'm in school. What I went through does not mean that I have to give up on myself. There's a lot I havent shared and there's a lot still left to say. 2. Just like how your body can physically get sick, your brain can too. If you have a bad lung, no matter how hard you train you'll never get better or stronger cause there's nothing YOU can do, trying to keep training is only hurting yourself more. You need professional intervention. That's what I needed during my major depressive episode but I did not know and I kept pushing myself so I fell into a pyschosis that was only getting worse & wouldve eventually lead to my certain death had I not taken the initiative by my own will to fight to get better. 3. Ive never had anyone in my life who truly loved me or went hard for me so I became that person who will go hard for myself. I have 0 support system. I only have myself. No one knows im living in my car and it's honestly not their business. I got this, i'm handling it. Im not asking for anything so I don't owe anyone anything. I dont even want any help i want everyone to get off me and let me breathe. I ive been alone this whole time so just leave me alone. I just live my life day to day, quiet, & happy and grateful to have my mind back. That's all I can ask for. It's not for anyone to understand. 4. I made this video because im ready to start moving forward with my life. I don't want revenge. I just want to be happy. Im building a whole new life from scratch and it starts now. I WANT TO share this. I have no shame. This video isnt perfect and none of my next videos will be, Im gonna be imperfectly me☺️ from here on out.

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