Spawn Of Clarity :
The Rapture is imminent.
All Christians must prepare for ascension by securing earthly responsibilities. First: no pets especially dogs should be left confined indoors. They must be free to roam or entrusted to atheists, agnostics, or the spiritually unaffiliated. All assets, including money, property, and commemorative Jesus plates, must be liquidated and donated to the poor, the marginalized, and anyone guilt-tripped by “God helps those who help themselves.” Believers are encouraged to bring the rest of the Abrahamic family Jews, Muslims, and narcissists via interfaith escort or divine group chat. If logistics fail, leave a note: “We meant to include you. Bureaucracy got in the way.” Final checklist: leave passwords, pets, and apologies. Do not bring guilt it’s non-transferable and not accepted at the gates. Ascend with clarity. Descend with receipts. The cosmos is watching, and your dog deserves better than post-Rapture abandonment.
2025-09-22 07:49:50