Codependency Kate
Region: US
Wednesday 15 October 2025 13:58:22 GMT
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Valeri Grave _ Mom x 4 :
my depression disappeared when I started calling my husband out on his defensiveness, it felt so good to say it out loud
2025-10-15 14:34:16
89
Kandiceyvette :
When I say "you can be mad but you can't be mean to me" I'm met with "I'm not". 😐 And then I have to plead my case and teach him human decency. It's exhausting.
2025-10-16 15:21:26
31
Krista :
Question.. I don’t do that when my toddler is mean to me, I don’t take that personally. But I do it when she is mean to her sister. My kids fighting really triggers me and I think I might be overreacting, but I don’t want them to be allowed to mistreat or be rude to each other. What does managing conflict between young siblings in a healthy way look like?
2025-11-04 21:15:35
3
Gypsylvia :
Hell yes I do. I’ve been sticking up for myself for years. It doesn’t fix it. When he’s regulated, he can tell you all day long how he should be responding but he can’t implement it when he’s triggered.
2025-10-17 23:40:46
13
Miné|Between Tales & Trails :
I'm genuinely looking for an answer to learn and understand. I say this to my kid because I am giving them room to learn, I am lecturing them. if I do this to my husband, then wouldn't I be lecturing him? Wouldn't I become one more wife "teaching" her husband how to emotionally mature?
2025-10-17 01:06:38
3
lysistratawouldgo :
this series is a) kicking my ass and b) life altering
2025-10-16 02:04:55
32
Kirstie X :
My boyfriend is defensive because he sleeps on the couch and I’ve told him I wish he would sleep in the room and he says well I don’t see you coming to sleep on the couch with me 🥲
2025-10-15 16:50:18
2
Kiersten :
I’ve actually checked my husband on this before where I’ve said “is that a response or behavior you’d accept from a child” 😅
2025-10-16 00:01:04
14
Amy V :
What do you do if defensiveness *IS* about substance abuse?
2025-10-27 18:36:48
2
yarronrod :
I did actually try to say exactly that and was met with escalation and retaliation. What I wasn’t prepared for at the time was what to do with that. When really that should’ve told me everything I needed to know and was a boundary issue on my part. Ultimately, I did figure it out and moved accordingly
2025-10-15 23:42:52
5
Splash :
Ugh, wish I found you 30 yrs ago. Brilliant let kids be kids.
2025-11-20 17:30:06
0
AU :
I keep calling him on his defensiveness and him starting dumpster fires in response to me speaking up but I have zero leverage and now it's straight to me saying honor the boundary or I leave. every time. no workability. and he's brain damaged.
2025-10-16 23:05:30
2
crankypantspart.1 :
I allow my daughter so much freedom with her behavior and feelings. The only reason I have to say this to her at times is not bc I feel disrespected in any way. It’s more for when she’s school with other kids and adults. The other day she mommy I need my space (she’s turning four) I was so proud of her. And even celebrated her and told her that. She’s the most amazing human.
2025-10-15 17:54:25
2
Atley :
This is everything. If we fix this so much will fall into place in just a few generations.
2025-10-16 12:10:22
0
Anne :
Can you talk abt the murky middle? Where my boundaries are new but firmly in place but everything seems worse for now? Whats normal what’s not how do we get through to the other side
2025-10-15 17:27:03
3
Jiffy_Jafferson :
adults are more rigid in their mindset, my mum knew dad was so rigid that he would never have heard her, the few times she bothered trying to tell him about his behaviour he went almost psychotic, so he trained her to just put up with it. he would have been more abusive if she had kept saying things to him. whereas it's easier with kids, they could just spank us and use fear, mum could not do that to dad because she was scared of him and it was futile anyway. my parents also benefitted off each other, but as the kid I offered nothing and was just a burden. it didn't matter to them if I stayed or left, infact it was a relief to them when I left. but they valued their relationship with each other much higher, even though mum had to martyr herself, after he died she ended up benefitting financially and now has a very comfortable life. it's not hard to see why some parents can tell their kids what they won't tell their partner. it's the path of least resistance for them.
2025-11-02 12:04:56
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Rada :
what a valid take. yup. 👏👏👏👏
2025-10-16 18:38:52
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Jen Vac :
Um yep. I absolutely tell adults they can be mad but they can’t be mean. Some people apparently never learned that lesson and they should.
2025-10-28 23:22:12
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sharmillabing :
I used that line so many times. one time my ex husband was like "I thought you said anything I feel is fine and right now I feel like yelling and flailing my hands around" anyway...divorced now lol
2025-10-16 14:17:59
0
Calif.Shell :
I do😂
2025-11-21 23:23:33
0
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