Codependency Kate
Region: US
Wednesday 15 October 2025 16:27:25 GMT
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HeyHiHello :
As a Christian who has been married for 17, happily for 6. I implemented boundaries, biblical accountability and we separated for a time. He completely changed and things have been consistently healthy and happy since. Books like Boundaries- (Cloud and Townsend) and The Emotionally Destructive Marriage (Leslie Vernick) and Lonely in Marriage (David E. Clark) all were very biblical and therapeuticly sound. I realized I was trying, and he wasn't, I asked him if he wanted to, he said he didn't know, so I made him leave. He got help, I got support (had a good church, therapist and understanding relationships) Turned out he had undisclosed issues and unresolved anger and forgiveness all being projected at me. Once he dealt with it, he has been a changed man and is thankful for it now. It was the hardest time of my life, but I couldn't be with him the way he was anymore. Even if I never was hit or yelled at, it was still unhealthy and sin. I realized I had dealt with my dysfunction and was healthy now and he was getting worse and pretending, having a cleaner house, performing more didn't help. I learned a new take on scripture. Hope that helps encourage someone. I know many women in the Church who have had to take this route to see things change or at least get free of a destructive partner. It was the bravest thing I feel I have ever done. But also learning to trust him again. With time and therapy I can say now I am glad we are together and we are both glad I held him accountable. I do want to say tho I had a healthy church and pastor, not all do. He helped mentor my husband for years after and has been a big encouragement to him.
2025-10-15 19:26:22
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Kesha Ames :
I think people hear “center themselves” and immediately think it coincides with new age or hippy stuff. But the work I’ve done in therapy with grounding techniques, repairing my nervous system, and calming myself first has always included my faith at the center
2025-10-16 02:35:33
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wolfecxqp5z :
I think the Bible assumes that self-centeredness is the default for humans and encourages us to put others first to counteract that. I think religion/church is what convinces women that what it’s really saying is we should have no regard for ourselves. Jesus always models filling his own cup first before pouring into others.
2025-10-15 20:46:54
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⭐️🔥❤️ :
Proverbs 31. I’ve worked with so many Christian women who have never read Proverbs 31. Once they do, their entire view of their role fundamentally changes and they start to heal.
2025-10-16 12:15:17
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The Unwife :
Decentering the wasband… That’s what saved my life.
2025-10-15 17:53:21
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twinkleblue22 :
this is my main issue with religion. fiancé is catholic. but we’ve talked about me converting. i just can’t get all the way there bc when i think about religion, i don’t think about women’s health.
2025-10-15 16:39:35
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StarlingSwallow :
Love your neighbor (others, including* your husband) AS YOURSELF!! Which means that we are to love ourselves FIRST, before we can truly love another! This video is gold 💯💕
2025-10-16 12:12:02
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kpsych06 :
Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church. We’re not suppose to make our husbands our idols. God first.
2025-10-15 20:10:31
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elisabethfung2 :
💯 I’m in the process of decentering religion and men. My physical health has improved dramatically! No more arthritis, no more flu like symptoms, no more migraines, no more crippling anxiety
2025-10-15 18:47:21
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kneazle :
I've been discovering this too
2025-10-17 00:24:52
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Tbeck_atl :
Would love to hear your thoughts on a book titled “The emotionally destructive marriage” by Leslie Vernick.
2025-10-21 03:13:00
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Marie :
Respectfully as a Christian, I have no idea what you’re talking about lol might need some verses from the Bible to make your case because what? Lol
2025-10-16 05:23:17
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user8613926029047 :
That old "religion" is hard to beat/get over/understand whatever you want to call it. That is part of my past! I Now have a greater understanding of God's love, how get sees me, and what he wants of me! Whole and healthy!!
2025-10-15 23:21:26
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Building Better Relationships :
I’m on my own journey in this. However it’s tricky because I end up feeling selfish when I begin centering me. I find the line between codependency and sacrificial Christian love to be a confusing one!
2025-10-15 16:46:42
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Just Jacqueline :
Ok so as I study the Bible God has revealed to be the distortional view of man’s interpretation of the Word. That’s why it’s important for you to study Gods word on your own, be in prayer and communicate with your creator. That’s why it’s called the living word it’s God breathed and He does speak to my spirit on what He says. I also study the audience and context it was written and how it applies to me now. I look up the meaning of the Greek words too at times. I dont rely on man to teach me Gods word. He values women very much. Much more than men can interpret and alot of things are taken out of context. I don’t say He values women much more to become haughty or proud or feminist, but I can stand firm while being soft. It’s changed me in a lot of good ways to be able to have boundaries, etc
2025-10-16 09:42:57
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SweetBunnyPaw :
I hear that you are attempting to explain a Biblical principle. There are major over generalizations in the attempt to discredit the Bible.
2025-10-15 23:32:34
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wickedwren82 :
I’m married 23 years and actively recentering myself very transparently with my husband. We both go to individual therapy and couples therapy. Our relationship is so much better and we actually have good conflict now. It really helped me unravel codependency and enmeshment. Now we have our own lives outside each other and I travel, have hobbies, friendships and we still come together and nurture a life together that feels much more meaningful.
2025-10-15 16:42:11
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Honey Bear :
Proverbs 31.
2025-10-16 20:03:19
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bee-law :
can you talk about what it practically means to decenter your husband?
2025-10-17 02:43:15
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kristinea99 :
So many religious therapists when they get women in have to teach them to build a self identity and stop ONLY serving others. When they have men come in they have to have the men learn how to decenter themselves.
2025-10-16 22:44:46
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Honey Bear :
I’ve never thought of or seen marriages that are husband centered- rather the couple works as a team, ideally yoked and pulling together.
2025-10-16 20:04:11
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Megan A :
After a major meltdown we operated after 21 years- and I grew up. I decided to figure it who I was outside of my roles as wife and mom. I decided-centered him and became trauma informed. He decided to evolve- and we figured it out. We are now VERY stable, happy, and partners. 27 years of marriage… the last couple have been the best. He is not the center.
2025-10-18 13:10:47
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brittanyprivett75 :
Christian here, and divorced. It’s not biblical to center your husband, but we are mislead to do so because the western patriarchy is deeply embedded.. God is meant to be the center of all things, but it’s wildly misinterpreted that the wife is center her husband. She’s meant to follow his leading. It really is a much higher calling on the man to be worth following and serving that is missing the mark. I dont think women would be struggling so deeply with a husband focused/centered relationship if they actually had men that were showing up as the biblical leader and servant they are meant to be to their wife and family.
2025-11-02 06:08:58
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klwebbquinn :
It’s a restructuring of the paradigm
2025-10-15 20:51:10
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