k8ji :
I stepped back whenever you got closer — a distance maintained by my unsureness. you were willing to sacrifice everything. i didn't like the sound of that because who am i for you to do such things without having second thoughts? but i never said anything because maybe, just maybe the day will come that i'll soften up to you too and be able to return everything you've given. i was throwing it all up, i can't take it anymore, why won't you notice? you'll only end up hurting yourself if you stay with me, you were giving too much, I didn't have anything to offer. I felt useless, I felt horrible for making you figure me out when i never even gave you any leads on how or where to start. i didn't understand why? why couldn't i just blurt it out? why can't i open up? why am i making things more difficult for us? why am i like this? you said it's ok but i knew it's not, i knew you're getting tired. I was scared — scared of wether you'll accept me or not. if I turned my real self in, my thoughts, my flaws, my opinions, my relationships, how I handle things — would you stay? would you be the same person as you were before? I never got my answers to that because I ended it all before you could. you said you never got tired of me and that was the last thing you would ever think about me. you said you wanted me to be happy and if that means leaving my life you'd do it so you stopped and i stepped back. a part of me wished you fought for us. this is not what I wanted it to be — anything could turn out between us, just don't leave me. if's lingered inside my head, if I gave you everything I threw up, would you accept it? would everything turn out differently? that is left for the gods to answer now. you were like a key with the wrong door — and I'm a puzzle with the wrong pieces. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything, all the time we've spent together I will always cherish it — every single one. it was five beautiful years, i was happy thank you joanne
2025-11-02 14:00:04