Drew Daniels
Region: US
Friday 31 October 2025 17:56:10 GMT
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noyb_20 :
No matter what I say or how I say it, defensiveness is his reaction.
2025-11-01 13:04:19
164
Peij :
all of these videos about being anxious with an avoidant sounds like its my job to dance and tip toe around their absolute terror of accountability. it isnt. I have been working for years on learning to communicate in a healthy, kind, loving way and now thats a problem too. im exhausted. I just want him to care and show that he cares with his actions. that is not too much to ask
2025-11-07 05:33:28
42
M 💜 :
Yeah, except when I gave the commentary from afar, he used that as a way to reinforce that it’s a me problem lol. That I’m admitting I’m not good when I become that way and even I admit I don’t like it 😭😂
2025-10-31 19:33:27
36
Courtney Liz :
Releasing expectations of how they should respond = keep doing the emotional labor while they do nothing. Got it.
2025-11-19 15:38:03
10
Maria Karine :
it's so exhausting trying to psychologize them just to get them to understand you or empathize with u. next pls
2025-11-02 04:29:15
37
Oh hi it’s me :
As someone who tried crafting the perfect way to communicate with my avoidant partner for YEARS, the reality is, until THEY deal with their avoidance,
2025-12-20 22:05:37
0
j.mart57 :
Please don’t give partners of an avoidant any responsibility to delicately shape the way they address normal feelings because it only gives the avoidant a belief that you’ll tippy toe around their shame, their hurt, and their belief that they’re the victim. The avoidant will never learn how to be a healthy partner without therapy.
2025-11-03 13:12:28
16
Shaynanigans :
And their own hurt didn’t come from us. They came to the relationship with it.
2025-11-02 02:53:31
14
P.A.W. :
They kept responding poorly & are committed to that response. Soooo … I decided to quit being his fair weather friend! My happy thoughts are now communicated to my journal, not him 💅🏼
2025-11-01 18:57:40
6
Canadagal71🆘🇨🇦🇺🇸💙 :
Defensiveness if NOT self-protection, its self-abandonment, Defensiveness is a maladaptive pattern of trying to MANADE/AVOID difficult emotions, but actually causes one to abandon the emotion that needs attention. Defensiveness perpetuates self betrayal.
2025-11-01 18:13:57
7
It Makes Scentz :
meh after 17 yrs I've tried it all. im done having to change myself because he is damaged and now I am too. I once was secure and normal.
2025-11-02 05:28:22
13
𖤐kerris⁷ :
these help so much, thank you !
2025-10-31 18:02:21
7
🍉🍉🍉 :
Here's a better answer for the burnt out people. My DA partner gets up in the middle of the convo when his nervous system enters that shutdown state hugs me, walks into the kitchen, grabs an ice cube and just holds with for seven breaths then comes back and does like an active listening repeat back thing or if he couldn't process what I said asks me to repeat it saying he's ready now. Repeat until convo is done. (Sour candies work too) The stimuli resets the nervous system.
2025-11-02 18:22:07
3
DogHeart :
I don’t want an avoidant partner.
2025-11-03 07:54:35
4
Mamawowski :
I fully understand (and appreciate) this way of communicating, and yet it feels like: I need to talk to you about my feelings/needs and I’m going to put my feelings/needs aside while I explain them to you. My goal is connection. This feels like I’m telling my kid that we can’t go to the park today and I’m trying to get them to hear it without having a tantrum. I’m just so tired. Is anyone dancing around me like this? Ugh.
2025-11-22 17:38:47
3
Maura ! :
Ik he has pain and childhood stuff to that makes him how he’s is…. But I’m convinced he just doesn’t care about anything when it comes to me.
2025-11-21 04:20:39
0
Trixie Jones :
no. no. no. give them no ammunition abt your feelings. they will confabulate new narratives to apply to them and how you hurt them
2025-12-17 19:57:53
1
alludelain :
i left. but i dont see why we have to accommodate and baby them when they are fully grown adult. sure its their childhood wounds but as a partner and a wife. its costing me my sanity
2025-11-13 13:44:00
3
Panco111 :
We are so bad right now it’s crazy. He cheated, he hurt me. But somehow it’s my fault. This is going to break us
2025-11-05 05:49:21
1
⋆˚࿔ steph 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ :
Honestly, an avoidant partner will never be there in any way shape or form, and they will always make it seem like it’s your job and your responsibility not matter how much their own actions have to do with your emotions/thoughts. Walk away. It’s the only way to save your mental health and put yourself at peace.
2025-11-10 22:44:48
1
Mangt00mas :
hurt people hurt people
2025-11-03 12:17:40
1
Luísa Silva :
What about when the person actively says they don’t have time to call or text but you need to talk and spend hours waiting for a response? What if they don’t even want to listen cause they don’t feel “peace”?
2025-11-02 18:33:20
1
THANKGOODNESS :
Communication relies on active listening
2025-11-01 20:09:28
1
Jenny :
This happened for me…his shameful part connected to my shameful part …it was like a collision of broken parts that allowed repair and empathy but dang, it nearly took out our marriage to get there!
2025-11-06 19:55:14
0
hoonie :
I’m not understanding that last sentence. Can you clarify?
2025-11-01 10:16:03
0
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