@kitija.ozo: 1. She shared how she used to say it ten times a day without thinking: “Good job cleaning up,” “Good job drawing.” But one day, she heard her son tell his brother: “I’m not a good job — I just tried.” That sentence stopped her cold. She realized “good job” had turned into a label, not encouragement. Her kids were no longer doing things out of interest — they were chasing approval. And when there was no praise, the interest vanished too. 2. So she ran a one-week experiment: no more “good job.” Instead, she said things like, “You did that yourself” or “That was a smart solution.” It felt awkward at first — but within days, the kids started sharing more ideas, not just outcomes. Psychologists call this the internal feedback effect — when kids evaluate their own actions instead of waiting for applause. A month in, they were calmer about mistakes. 3. A University of Oslo study found that when praise is constant, dopamine levels in kids drop by 30% after just 10 minutes without it. The brain adapts to approval like it’s a dose. But when praise is swapped for reflection (“You built that,” “You came up with that”), intrinsic motivation lights up. The mom said: “I stopped being a commentator — and became a witness.” 4. She remembered her son failing to build a toy and bursting into tears. Before, she’d have said, “It’s okay, you’re still a good boy.” But this time, she asked: “Wanna try again?” He nodded. Ten minutes later, he finished it himself. That’s when she saw it: real confidence doesn’t come from praise — it comes from experience. “Praise is like a crutch if you overuse it,” she said. “The child forgets they can walk on their own.” 5. A month in, her kids were asking for less validation and offering help more often. Their confidence didn’t grow from words — it grew from autonomy. “Good job” faded — and real connection showed up. “When I stopped praising,” she said, “I finally started seeing them.” Try one day without automatic praise — and just watch what shifts. 👉 Do you praise to support — or to stay in control? Follow for real parenting insights — not just recycled advice.

hneen :

kids when they're praised growing up:😭 kids when they're not praised growing up:😭

Lili :

till kids go no contact

Vane :

I don’t get it

secret :

ruby 🐙 :

two most harmful words in the English language

￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ ￴ :

Because she started saying “good boyyyyyyyy” instead

webergenesisiigrill :

Cuz she stopped speaking in English and used Norwegian?

happy&healthy :

What happens if your mother the only parent left when you are 13 and all you can hear from her is shouting at you, literally screaming at you after a long day waiting for her after you came from school, you cleaned house, you cooked dinner for everyone, you put your brother to bed, you wait for signs of acknowledgment of you, hoping for a kind word, she comes after 9 pm she looks around, sees you didn’t fold towels and screams how bad you are, you cry in your bed, that’s was your day. She leaves in the morning before you go to school with your brother, no breakfast no presence of your mother, she works 1 day out of three but she is never at home, she is with her friends. You grew up trying to please your mother but you are never perfect never enough, you never have conversation with her, all you get is her anger.

Bolle :

I believe you should say it in moderation. Constantly giving praise for minimal effort things over long time will make it worthless

Tomushki (Yakub edition™) :

so we hating on the words "good job"? why though pls explain

 :

Corvus :

never told it once despite many great accomplishments. no, there's no confidence in what I do. it all feels worthless.

Afhmzn :

jesus parenting is hard

John in the Hood :

Yeah but also like, never saying it to begin with has the same effect as always saying it

erle 𑣿 :

People really dont read captions

bleh :

guys saying good job just made everything about approval. Instead of the kids actually wanting to do it they were just constantly seeking her approval so she changed what she said.

rA9 :

My parents rarely tell me they think i did a good job and never tell me they‘re proud. I don’t feel seen.

Lukas🦦 :

won't work on every kid btw

Lillie xx :

Yall saying you don’t get it just look at the caption 👍

Karaya1 :

There are no two words in the English language more harmful than 'good job’

reveria :

my parents did it and I genuinely plumited

‧₊˚♪𝄞Ar࿐₊˚⊹ia ⨾𓍢ִ໋🎧ྀི :

I think this works because if you’re told “good job” then you believe that that’s the extent of what you can do kind of. And if you’re not told that then your mind recognizes that it can do better, which’ll motivate your mind into actually improving on things instead of staying at the “good job” level

APapinho :

Mom saw Whiplash and didnt realize Fletcher was the villain 😭

jackgip :

rewards need to be intermittent to be most effective

Maglcone :

okay, and?