Codependency Kate
Region: US
Wednesday 12 November 2025 18:20:05 GMT
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ssmcg6 :
Neutrally saying “huh, how do you think the dog is feeling right now?” is a lot healthier than telling your toddler they’re being mean to you. You can encourage critical thinking and empathy but probably not at the age of two or three!
2025-11-13 19:33:11
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Alice Kaufman :
I thought if you as soon as I saw that video and read the comments
2025-11-12 18:50:04
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Seek & Find Beauty :
Can you talk more about “the way you label it?”
2025-11-12 18:57:32
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Pursuit of Peace :
I think developmentally it’s a natural extension to little one accidentally causing physical pain which is going to happen. A parent reacts automatically to being stepped on at some point (ow!) and so the opportunity for scaffolding through slowing down and empathizing is upon parent. And then they get to witness adults around them respond to others around them with care and attention to their needs. ❤️🩹 I know SO many parents who are so emotionally reactive with their kids so frequently.
2025-11-12 22:47:16
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mtmtmtmtmt :
what a fabulous distinction, thank you
2025-11-12 19:10:22
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user4296667543432 :
Well, we have an only. No peers at home.
2025-11-12 22:36:28
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Stevie Boebi :
Kids have to learn empathy for themselves WAY before they have capacity to learn empathy for others.
2025-11-14 01:04:48
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AmyJade.82 :
Animals are great for this also. And it’s easy for kids to care about animals, which is why they are so frequently characters for them. Pets don’t get treated like toys.
2025-11-12 21:50:40
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ashmash :
🔥🔥🔥🔥
2025-11-13 05:56:00
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Maddie_inreal_life :
💯💯💯💯
2025-11-13 06:01:17
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Lucy Ives :
by modeling this behavior you will achieve it
2025-11-12 19:32:20
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Kendra :
Maladaptive behavior*
2025-11-15 00:43:44
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Jade Rewilding ✍🏽☁️🐈⬛🪽 :
People are acting like empathy isn’t built in to kids as part of their wiring as part of a social species. You don’t need to “teach them empathy”. They’re already naturally empathetic. BUT sometimes a need, desire, feeling or want (etc) CAN block empathy momentarily because of cognitive immaturity. Children have a hard time with the concept of two things being true at once (especially if those things seem contradictory) because they’re still developing mentally. If you’re “teaching” kids anything, it’s how to access both concurrently. Empathy AND a need or feeling etc. basically — how to not block off a natural part of themselves because of another natural part of themselves. I think the reason why people think they need to “teach their kids empathy” is because THEY never matured cognitively to be able to hold two seemingly contradictory truths at once. And from that place of projection, they think that means they need to teach their kids to choose empathy over their needs, wants, feelings etc… which is toxic and setting your kids up for emotional manipulation or abuse. They don’t realise that the AND choice is even possible. Empathy AND self. They think it’s an OR choice. Empathy OR self. And they think the “right” thing to choose is empathy even if that means self abandonment. They’re getting stuck in their own version of black & white thinking which is making it hard to help their kids mature out of black & white thinking.
2025-11-12 23:46:10
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bee.bee :
Don’t we also teach it, in large part, by modeling empathy ourselves? They see how we interact with the world and that’s probably their biggest teacher.
2025-11-13 19:57:19
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Hannah :
I’ve asked my kid (7) to take the perspective of her teacher who has almost 30 kids in a classroom as a reason to look at how her behavior is making the teacher’s job hard and isn’t fair to the other kids either. I always validate her feelings too, like being bored or frustrated or wanting autonomy but she comes to her own conclusions of what’s appropriate when we consider being in community with others
2025-11-13 01:21:42
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Dr O RN :
When they get older (like middle school and up), I teach them they’re not responsible for adults’ emotional wellbeing, but they should start reflecting on how their words and actions can impact people and I talk a lot about how it’s important to start learning to manage their emotions and overwhelm so they can have healthy friendships and partnerships. It feels really healthy compared to my growing up guidance. This process you describe sounds very similar to what I’ve done
2025-11-13 15:41:47
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quwurof :
can you give an example of "when they are fully independent and have control over their environment?" To me (single adult, no kids), I read that as "financially independent adult." is that what you mean?
2025-11-12 21:22:08
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Mels :
youre kids cant be mean to you, thats not a thing. youre the adult, you should not be getting down to your kid's level.
2025-11-13 01:14:36
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That Girl Making Vids :
But how do you differentiate between standing up for yourself and doing it in a way that’s appropriate? Ie I can tell mom I don’t like that v that hurts mom when you hit me and you need to use your words. I think there’s a danger in depersonalizing yourself as a human being with basic needs (ie safety). You are not your kids servant / punching bag. I think that can breed entitlement
2025-11-12 22:50:30
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Drenny :
I was never responded to this way as a child, and maybe that's why I struggle now in my relationship with my adult child.
2025-11-13 06:00:45
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megggs :
Developmentally speaking, empathy and compassion are skills to learn but aren’t able to be mastered until they’re older like 5+ but leading up to that we can teach them emotional literacy and set firm limits with them especially for safety and respect like not hitting, taking turns… but impulse control has to come first and that takes TIME because ya know…brains take TIME to grow and skills need consistent repetition.
2025-11-14 05:00:50
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Sam 💖 :
Can you make a podcast with all these topics?! lol
2025-11-13 04:50:29
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Cherylk1315 :
How do you navigate this when one of your children has special needs to make sure both kids recieve the support they need?
2025-11-14 01:44:48
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lydss :
Do you have any books on this subject that you’d recommend?
2025-11-16 19:03:30
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midwestmahhhhnster :
okay but help bc my kid is 4 and I've already talked with him about how his behavior might impact his dad or me or yiayia, all authority figures. not constantly, but if someone's sick and he's screaming or something. in those moments should I reflect back what he's doing and what he's telling me and just try to name everything happening without the emotional weight, to help him get to the bottom of what's up with him? and focus on empathy questions with his peers. also thank you for the top down/bottom up explanation. have never heard that and would love to hear more of you ever want to tackle it?
2025-11-17 15:27:57
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Draus :
I saw that video! And I commented that crying in front of a toddler or telling her that she’s making mummy sad will make her feel like she’s responsible for her mom’s emotions which is not good and I was told by other commenters that I’m raising bullies and narcissists, lol
2025-11-21 14:38:43
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Shattered glass🇨🇦 :
Empathy is mirrored from the parent. A baby starts learning it even in facial expressions. If a parent or people are not being empathetic to those around them the words won’t ring through to kids.
2025-12-22 18:06:56
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Lucyfir63_DryIce🇨🇦 :
Unfortunately that’s what parents want they want the kids to make up for the empathy they never got as kids from their own parents.
2026-01-02 13:45:00
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