I wish my parents knew this in the 70s- maybe they wouldn’t have told me to go to my room until I could come out with a smile every time I was sad or upset. Every negative emotion was “sulking” or “pouting”. At 78 they’re both angry and negative. Thankfully I’ve done very well with a loving and supportive family my husband and I created and I’m happy to say we parented very differently than either of our parents.
2025-12-03 23:39:59
33
SpicySalmonMaki🇨🇦 :
But doesn’t regulation mean distress tolerance? Like isn’t distress tolerance at the core of emotional regulation? You can’t “regulate” something you can’t tolerate first
2025-12-04 23:25:25
4
lady_amalthea🍉 :
I can’t find this man’s credentials. Is he a licensed therapist?
2025-12-31 12:09:10
0
kristiknuts :
Interesting -! Although on the receiving end of a dysregulated spouse , being on the receiving end of that is not fun at all
2025-12-05 09:11:44
2
Kim :
Makes total sense👏👏👏
2025-12-03 20:33:47
2
Curious :
Yes yes yes....I don't think adult children can understand that their parents, who they have rejected, even have emotions because that generation tmhave been so stoic all there lives ...in other words have 'regulated their emotions'. Children and adult children need to be shown that their parents are human and so also suffer emotionally and also need understanding, comforting and co-regulation .....rather than blame, meanness and rejection. The behaviour not the person needs to be rejected.
2025-12-04 02:16:47
0
Bethany 🤍 :
Yesss! My ability to regulate my emotions has sky rocketed because I’m with safe people and feel supported. This is such an important point. It even allows me to tolerate being around unsafe people (fam of origin) more because I am so well supported in my every day life. Honestly, life changing!
2025-12-04 15:46:32
5
fetusritez69 :
I want to blast this on repeat until ppl get it
2025-12-04 01:36:28
6
ErikaN75 :
Therapist here and this is absolutely right!!
2025-12-10 18:01:07
1
fetusritez69 :
Omg
2025-12-04 01:36:12
0
sovrnxdh :
So identity regulation first then
2025-12-04 16:59:15
1
jeidynfoau :
@SLC49 That’s what’s been so helpful for me with youuuu 💕💕💕
2025-12-05 14:12:05
1
crackorider :
This is why DBT didn’t work for me. All it was don’t do that because nobody will love you
2025-12-05 04:43:08
1
Jill 🇨🇦 :
I help them reframe their upset after as part of the correction. We still have to teach them better ways to handle things. There’s a big difference between “I hate _____ and want it gone” and “I am upset with _____ because”. Kids are more than capable of this distinction after they have felt heard and understood. Which I think is what “you can be mad but not mean” started as, a reminder in the moment for kids who already have the skills to remember to use them as it can help the nervous system to remember tools are there to help. Without the tools and support, it’s not useful at all.
2025-12-04 00:35:16
0
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