helena_earls
Region: US
Friday 02 January 2026 21:30:00 GMT
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Gina Fo Fina :
Yes. And as an adult anytime I broke up with someone “but he really liked you.” Never about who I liked. Made me feel unlikable since I had to eagerly accept whatever scraps came along instead of being discerning.
2026-01-02 22:01:19
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Juniper 🦋 :
Yeah!! i literally just learned at age 26 that im allowed to have autonomy over my relationships and deserve to turn people down if they make me uncomfortable bc people punished me sm for having boundaries growing up
2026-01-03 02:25:40
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cursed and tormented white boy :
omg the thing about shamed for not wanting to befriend someone and basically being told that anyone who wanted to be friends with me was doing charity work. never even thought about how much this affected me
2026-01-05 07:39:24
8
Mrs Pattie 🇦🇺 :
Realising I actually hated my best friend from high school, and she hated me to, but everyone around us just really wanted us to be friends. It also made it impossible for me to leave an abusive relationship because it would be “mean”
2026-01-03 03:34:09
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Art Noxolo :
I enjoy rejecting people. I have enough friends, I don’t need more
2026-01-03 08:26:54
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xxhermajestyxx :
Same looking back I realized we weren’t even on the same level to consider them a friends in the first place
2026-01-03 06:41:51
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roundabout876 :
is this what led you to becoming a therapist, feeling you had to manage other people's emotions
2026-01-03 00:35:47
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Skittles250 :
I think the book “the gift of fear” describes a similar phenomenon but he calls it “forced teaming”, where your choices are denied by someone else’s expectation of compliance.
2026-01-03 16:27:28
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lilybee :
My mom made me be friends with people. There was a girl who was mean and her mom was mean. My mom would still make me play at her house for play dates. My mom ran into her at the store a few years ago and the girl said i was mean to her, my mom agreed with her! I'm sure i wasn't the nicest to her, I didn't want to be there. My mom didn't have my back even in adulthood.
2026-01-03 16:22:53
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Apple User695433 :
It’s important to learn to set strong boundaries with friends at a young age. I remember having insecure friends as a teenager and some of them had really unsafe/predatory boyfriends. Women are taught to be careful around men/boys but insecure friends can put you in unsafe situations too
2026-01-03 04:05:00
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z :
same. cause why was my mom shaming me for not wanting to date/accept a necklace from a male friend when I didnt want to give him the wrong impression. i was in 5th grade. 💀
2026-01-02 22:49:49
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anne :
Wise wordsz. We were all trained to be nice
2026-01-03 11:35:56
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thegirlsluvaya :
I made a friend with someone I didn’t want to be friends with and trust me when I say she made me regret it. It’s been almost 5 years and I’m still traumatised
2026-01-09 00:02:17
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agirlinthesensethat :
lol same! It’s still something I struggle with with friendly acquaintances. I have to remind myself that it’s valid and complete to have a one time wonderful interaction with a stranger and not automatically set up a room for them in my home in case they want to be friends. And to ask myself if I want to be their friend even? (Long term devoted style)
2026-01-03 10:49:14
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glitchedcrit1 :
My mum did this so much to the point I dated people that I really didn't like more to appease her than to even appease them or myself.
2026-01-03 08:28:30
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Ramona Riot :
Choice and agency is a great way to explain it. I had the opposite. My mum if she didn’t like someone I wasn’t allowed to be friends with them. She chose. Same control. But the other way.
2026-01-03 08:20:29
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WisdomSpeaks❤️💛💚🇬🇩 :
As you get older, you realize sooo much. ✨
2026-01-03 09:52:43
8
Nadjja Salorem :
if I don't like someone or don't feel comfortable, there's no power in this universe that will change that, I've learned that it's better to accept it and move one, because forcing anything is just like what happens when the stepsisters in the Cinderella story circumvent themselves to fit a shoe it isn't theirs: You hurt yourself and in the end, you don't even get someone else's happy ending
2026-01-03 07:47:34
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Barbelo :
All of a sudden I'm OK with not having a close relationship with my mom. I could never. My brothers on the other hand, always blamed me for break ups with guys they liked.
2026-01-03 05:37:22
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sovereignhellwig :
i literally agree so much!!!!!!! omg!! i feel so heard
2026-01-03 00:32:53
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txm_gymm :
Nah you get to choose! Not everyone who wants to be your friend is suited to you
2026-01-04 09:58:09
3
Chloe8296 :
wouldn't the person have to do something bad for you to not like them though?
2026-01-03 09:02:25
1
Shan1234 :
My mum also taught me to put others before me, but not before her. Yes she’d also guilt me with friends or acquaintances. “Ohh you better call so and so” or if I didn’t want to go somewhere or do something with my friend it was always “ohhh u should go, that’s not nice” always making sure I was keeping people happy. But it was a way of maintaining control and also guilting me
2026-01-06 09:05:51
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Maple Glazed 🇨🇦 :
Yup. And when you don’t want to be friends they demonize you.
2026-01-03 09:07:44
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Gehl from South Ahh 🇿🇦 :
Oh, so real. I stayed in situations where I was treated badly bc of this mentality.
2026-01-03 12:36:41
3
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