carpe diem :
I relate to everything, I realised at 40 that I've been naive, something I wouldn't call myself or admit to myself, I believed a man's word was his honour, this was naive, nobody really says what they truly mean anymore. life has become transactional. it's not shock , it's not sadness, I feel disappointed, a deep disappointment. perhaps even more so in myself for not realising this sooner. I used to want to fix, help, see the best in people, it's the way I was raised. until my doctor said to me, rather gave me permission, he said
" you need to be selfish" or you won't survive, nobody cares anymore, the world has changed. When he said that , instinctively I thought never, I'm not going to be that person, but then when I tried it, when I set boundaries, I started to see people for what they really are. it's a world that I don't fit into, unless I change. It's disappointing. each time I have to choose being selfish, I feel disappointed....I guess sadness goes with disappointment.
2026-01-19 12:26:24