Codependency Kate
Region: US
Thursday 15 January 2026 19:47:47 GMT
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xtrakrispy :
What comes up for me is that’s exactly what he wants is me to walk away and not talk about it.
2026-01-15 23:46:35
34
AlaskanKate17 :
I can say it (and did) but I know it won't matter. 😭 My counselor says my curiosity about his behavior is my weakness and it's upsetting bc curiosity also is a gateway of connection.
2026-01-16 06:05:27
54
Janae :
The more I watch you, the more confident I feel. Exposure to this is great— I could have “never” been that stern and stood up for myself. Now instead of cringing at that sternness, it seems doable and normal.
2026-01-16 20:50:37
16
Abreezy :
My nervous system gets wrecked when I perceive that people are mad at me so doing or saying something that I know will cause negative emotions feels like I am hurting myself
2026-01-23 03:37:10
10
grendel :
Just sounds like parenting a grown adult
2026-02-04 13:33:40
10
Meow :
What comes to mind is he won’t ever come back to talk.
2026-02-16 16:41:18
3
derekaw :
I did over 10 years of compassion and curiosity before I found out what was going on. I was always going to work it out when I knew what was going on. I worked it out. I’m not sure what happens now.
2026-01-16 07:06:29
5
_octoberdreams_ :
I can say it and proud to say that staying firm in my boundaries did get my husband to understand that I need a little more than "You're overexaggerating, stop trapping me in this conversation" like that's not what I'm doing and you need to ask me more about what's going on instead of putting up a wall.
2026-02-21 03:28:46
1
Jenny :
Kate this boundary content of yours has helped me so much. After years of therapy I needed the action steps and this gave me that. My husband and I are now in a great place, even though he remains therapy averse for himself. We did couples therapy for several years too.
2026-02-07 16:37:11
0
tyvm.paper.goods :
What does one say/do when they’ve asked for transparency after betrayal and the spouse calls it an ultimatum? Can someone please psycho-analyze this?
2026-02-09 16:23:17
0
Valeri Grave _ Mom x 4 :
what comes up when I say that is that he will probably say something like, so you're just going to walk away....grrr
2026-02-04 18:36:53
0
Jessica Hodgson :
Every therapist I’ve ever been to has given me the work of finding structures or scenarios where I could get my partner to listen to my needs.
2026-01-16 23:32:37
3
UnapologeticallyDani :
This is very helpful
2026-01-27 03:17:04
1
creosotecowboy_ :
fear of the other party escalating because they aren’t being appeased and i feel this somatically moreso than consciously
2026-01-15 21:08:12
11
Lucyfir63_DryIce🇨🇦 :
Some people will make you the problem regardless and the only option is to leave. Sometimes thats unfortunately what some people need to hear.
2026-01-16 12:30:37
5
Cam :
What comes up for me is it would never work for me. He tells me that’s how he is; he falls into being defensive and blaming me. It’s exhausting.
2026-01-15 23:23:18
5
tamtamstanstan :
I am going to pat myself on the back because this is almost exactly what I came up with and do! I get emotionless and tell him I need him to be my partner and create space for my feelings. I also state that things are being flipped and he is making it about himself and going inward. If he does not pull out I tell him I am feeling abandoned and I need space to regulate. Usually after 30 minutes he is able to regulate and return as my adult partner. However, (and I call this the bag of 10,000 tricks because the avoidance tactics are endless) lately he has a new trick where he tries to flip it on me and say I’m not creating space or safety to listen to his feelings - then sucks me in to the explain game where I try to remind him I was the one who started with a feeling - which went unheard - because he reacted to it and now wants an audience for his feelings about my feelings. It’s so complex and morphs a lot - but I’m getting into a rhythm of recognition of the behaviors and refusal to engage in patterns that don’t work. I am also naming when I feel abandoned and giving myself compassion for how difficult and uncomfortable it is. I’m exhausted. 😏
2026-01-26 14:24:45
3
Allie🇨🇦 :
I think this is what I have been trying to do in past - and it would end in disaster. I would be so activated in that moment - I’d lose my temper. Now - this approach makes more sense to me.
2026-01-18 19:39:06
0
Canaryinthecoalmine :
I do this and then he pretends that the conversations never happened and starts talking to me about everyday things like it’s a normal day. I want to tell him if he does not have anything substantial or self reflective to talk to me about please quit bringing up the weather and lists of household chores that need to be done
2026-01-22 19:39:29
2
Kaelee White :
😳😳😳
2026-01-24 17:28:59
0
✨Nikki✨ :
Why can women self regulate and man can’t? I’m over it. Bye
2026-02-18 03:19:35
1
Holly.M :
What is “stating a fact” in this? Sometimes I feel as though my partner considers and values his own opinion as fact. This is where we get hung up when I express my feelings. He believes my inner experience is up for debate/dismissal based on the facts to him. But what are the facts?
2026-02-12 01:36:15
1
nickeyoller :
So what if you do this and they then say things didn’t happen the way you said they did? That’s the issue I’m dealing with. He constantly tells me it didn’t happen that way or that I’m wrong and then we are at an impasse. He doesn’t see his behavior as gaslighting. He seems me as emotional and trying to start crap and normally blames my period
2026-02-03 15:35:51
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