I tried to explain this to my husband regarding Peter Dinklage. He says women only think he's hot because it's the novelty- they wonder what it's like to sleep with a little person. I was SO offended and tried to explain it was his voice, his confidence, his humor, his intelligencs. But he wouldn't listen.
2026-02-22 23:23:10
10
tayjoegris :
I think the distinction is possibly because men are like a yes until no while women are in no until yes so the woman has to do something to become unattractive while the man has to do something to become attractive which totally makes sense because if a girl were to think she's attracted to a guy and then get to know him and decide she isn't he could possibly get mad at her for "leading him on" where as that is much less likely to be a problem the other way around
2026-01-30 20:24:14
133
Katie 💙 :
I would argue a “meh” with a good personality is SO much hotter than a male model
2026-02-08 12:00:12
17
09f9 :
If you're not in the male model category, it's not worth the amount of performance women expect from you.
2026-01-30 23:00:01
8
justkateelane :
I can’t count the number of guys over my lifetime that I’ve thought “if I was married to him, I could see him being the literally hottest man alive” because of their personality, humor, values, or kindness (usually combo thereof) and they are incredibly forgettable looks wise. You are so spot on and guys just willfully misunderstand you at every turn lol.
2026-01-30 18:04:17
43
Space Gomez :
I think a lot of men can just look at a picture of a woman and determine if they’re attractive. That’s not a good thing btw they don’t take into account mannerisms, voice, etc. let alone personality
2026-01-30 18:37:32
37
originaldaisypippin :
I've always found "the male model" type to be one step above the least attractive males. I think most women have a "recipe" for what they find attractive that is molded through the years. Just one ingredient in my recipe was a man whose eyes sparkled when he smiled (you know what I mean - Sam Elliot eyes). No need for a perfect face or body, no need for a big bank account or whatever. Sparkling eyes, easy sense of humor, maturity, compassion, calm demeaner, capable of being my knight in shining armor when the world comes at me. It's probably rare to find all the ingredients but as in all recipes there are always substitutions. It's the whole man; not just one aspect, that women are attracted to. I hope that makes sense to someone. BTW, yes, I found my man with the sparkling eyes and we've been together for almost 25 yrs.
2026-02-19 09:55:14
4
coolbear :
on males its yes and maybe
2026-01-30 18:04:09
1
Entity :
I think men and women are more alike than people want to believe, even on something like this. There are outliers for sure, and you might have personal experience with some people who seem to confirm the perception that men are one way and women are another, but I think in reality the standard deviations in men and women’s behavior/thoughts/instinct/etc. are large while the difference in the mean or median is small. Meaning, there’s significant overlap between how most men and women operate and the differences aren’t worth focusing on. And be careful about trying to apply population level statistics to an individual.
2026-01-30 18:17:48
6
invisibleactsoflove :
My last relationship—seven years—was with a beautiful, wonderful woman who loved me and I loved her. But one Of the things that hurt was that I felt strongly that I was in the “Yeah, all things considered, that’s fine” category physically. And it triggered my body dysmorphia hard. I wanted to feel physically desirable. And of course, it made everything more difficult. And she, in turn, had been taught to reject compliments about her looks as shallow and, you know, target oriented. 😞 That’s neither here nor there, but I really just wanted to thank you for the work you’re doing here. Human romance is just a baffling and poorly designed system, but in the end it’s the only thing that makes it all worth the trouble. The more we all understand each other, the better! 💚
2026-01-31 19:41:54
7
Jenn✌️BluntsToBullets :
There's not a single man on this planet I'd choose for looks *over* personality. Not a damn one. I am incredibly thankful that my husband is beautiful and also a wonderful person. When I met him he looked like "solder #4871" but he was lovely. The first time I saw him after he got out of the military I was like holy fk that man is HOT
2026-02-15 19:41:12
2
buddy :
The “absolutely not” category is 50% lets be real
2026-02-13 23:30:38
5
Bri :
Yes! For me a muscled up gym rat is an “absolutely not,” while that can be the ideal for lots of folks, and certainly what men think is most attractive
2026-02-16 18:39:09
4
Arabella K. Federico Romantasy :
I'm categorically a solid 8-9 & rarely do i ever find men as hot as me attractive and it's because socially, emotionally, intellectually, etc...They're just not there. I just can't do it. Honestly a solid 7 w/ a good hot voice, a good personality, & a good heart is legit hotter than a 11/10 without any of those things. Hope this helps.
2026-02-14 02:33:09
2
Muffin :
Listening to this is not helping it just makes it a lot more complicated to someone who already is struggling with social interactions
2026-02-05 18:09:19
2
queersewist :
This is the best explainer I've seen about how I experience attraction
2026-02-21 00:03:52
2
Jesse Dill :
Appreciate your perspective and wisdom, Brenna. Way more men can attain "sexiest meh alive", simply by being themselves with the right audience.
2026-02-09 22:14:34
1
Flying Spaghetti Monster 👾 :
And then there's women like me who are demi and have to actively think about attractiveness to even notice it. And for me personally being attracted to someone is never about looks.
2026-02-10 03:23:21
4
Aminah Louise :
Funny thing about that is I find "Male Model" to not be very smart or very cold or distant...so immediately they turn into a "No" for me
2026-01-31 19:23:26
9
EVee :
I concur
2026-01-31 16:17:53
1
RJCarrot :
As an autistic individual this explains alot being reliant on social interactivity being the crux.
2026-02-12 00:25:25
0
Stretchct :
Everyone has a 10%. Wherever you are you can sort attraction by 10%. That’s just attraction. You could be a meh and be in that 10%. Like a bell curve
2026-01-31 15:41:45
0
Mac Attac :
THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING THIS ❤️
2026-02-20 21:54:58
0
123321456654789987 :
She’s right if you listen. But like anything else the rule breaks at the extremes.
2026-02-28 17:19:00
0
TheBruHAHA :
this is just the long version of "vibes" it means very little to explain the distinctions of attractiveness. its just saying people like what they like
2026-02-17 02:06:38
1
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