@allie_voss: I don’t think that a lot of the conversations surround invisible labor are particularly helpful largely because they mostly just end up with one person calculating all of the things that they do that they feel are unseen, and assuming that the other person doesn’t have examples of their own. While invisible labor is real, it’s not necessarily a problem inherently. In every single relationship in your life, you will have some form of invisible labor. Because it’s just not possible to get everyone else to appreciate absolutely everything you do. The actual problem is whether or not you have a truly unequal distribution of labor, one that you find untenable, but that’s not something that you can necessarily discern just by focusing and ruminating on the things that you do that you feel are underappreciated.

colby :

ok i hate to be this guy but invisible labor is not real. responsibilities are responsibilities

BIG_CJ35 :

What the term “invisible labor“ actually amounts to it’s just a fancy way of saying I’m keeping score but I will minimize your contribution

Wintrybea :

So cleanimg the gutters once or twice a year, or calling the shop when the car tells you it's time for an oil change is equal to tasks that needs to be done every week/day to you?

reenie64 :

so she's remembering 1000 things a day, and he's remembering to change the oil and do the taxes. Pretty sure you get a reminder for taxes and insurance. You don't get a reminder for toilet rolls.

Jeni :

Wait…I do all the “men’s invisible labor.” Do I get a cookie or something?

OutcastAndrew :

Invisible labour is just “being an adult”

numbs :

Oh yeah SURE 3 tasks once a year are so equal to everyday labor

user5733353239157 :

Studies show men have an additional 7 hours of free time a week compared to women on average. That’s a national average.

NethRex :

Sure but you also showed through your examples that men often have the sporadic tasks. Taxes - once a year, car maintenance - once, twice a year. The legitimate studies that look into this show an imbalance of labour. They're not suggesting men do nothing, just on balance it's less.

Kyle the animal🇨🇦 :

I work a job where every day I could be killed. That’s a ton of emotional invisible labour daily for decades. A guy died in my trade last month. No one ever talks about that.

user4871753737936 :

I haven’t dated a single man that puts in more hours than me. I generally stay in the 40-50 range. Please show source that shows men typically work more hours?

Austin Beeman | Wine + Travel :

I am very pro capitalist, but the idea of considering all human interaction – including that between a husband and wife – as forms of labor and work is insane to me.

Ade :

The job you get paid for is not invisible labor, the whole point of the term is pointing out labor that previously went unacknowledged, payment is an acknowledgement of labor. I agree that there are things men do that don't get enough credit, but please don't co-opt and water down terms, it just muddies the discussion and makes it harder to actually get improvement for everyone

Angel wings :

My husband works 60 hours a week and still manages to put supper on the table every day. We are both good and bad at different things, but he is strong where I am weak and I am strong where he is weak. That’s what makes us a team that’s what makes us work.

Adanne :

Brian.Bresee :

This is a more important conversation than most realize.

aidenb424 :

This also moves into the conversation about men wanting praise for tasks. When the complaint is he wants praise for cleaning the kitchen, it’s exactly the same as the endless videos women wanting praise for their invisible labour. Everyone does invisible labour, that’s why it’s called that because it’s INVISIBLE.

Daniel Isaiah :

comparrison is the theif of joy

Justin :

Way too mature for the internet imagine us complaining about driving them 😅😅

Justin :

I’d be happier if ppl just said “I’m tired” rather than needing to find someone to blame for being tired

Buttercuppsaltt :

2 years ago I became the breadwinner in my marriage because of career changes for both of us and I didn't realise how much invisible stress comes with it. my job is the one paying the bills and keeping us ok. Even though I like my job I now feel trapped. it's a type of stress I cannot explain.

r.nolsy :

I don't know any men that do more car maintenance/driving than their partner unless it's something they like doing

Apilotsdad :

The issue with the discourse around “invisible labor” mental load“ is that women only count the stuff that they do. They say that men aren’t pulling their weight because they’re not doing half of the things that women typically do. But they don’t want to do half of the things that men typically do. Instead, they diminish and devalue those things as less important than the things that they typically do. So guys if you want to keep your wife happy do a bunch of stuff that she typically does, and then do the stuff that you usually do and don’t expect any help

NILmoney :

We must have reached a point in society where every major problem has been solved and now all that’s left is arguing about household chores

girlinlove203 :

Yes, and let’s not forget emotional labour. Guys are told “happy wife, happy life,” but often can’t show their own struggles even though they hold so much space for us. My husband basically deserves a salary for dealing with me 😂