@cidepisodes920: #foryou #viraltiktok #cid #tiktok #foryoupage❤️❤️

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Replying to @Monica - Let’s unpack some of the magical thinking I see about affairs, because several of these beliefs simply do not align with the research or with what I’ve observed in 26 years of clinical work with people recovering from infidelity. First: “Affairs are a painkiller for a broken marriage.” No. An affair is much more often a painkiller for an injured person who is struggling to cope with their own feelings and does not know how to manage them in healthy ways. People in unhappy marriages have many choices. Having an affair is one of them, and it is an individual choice. Second: “Affairs aren’t fantasies. They’re very real.” For something to be grounded in reality, it has to survive reality. During an affair, the primary partner is usually doing real life with the straying partner: bills, chores, kids, responsibilities, stress, illness, conflict, and everyday life. The affair partner often gets a relationship protected from much of that reality. Secrecy, anticipation, novelty, and limited time together can create an incredibly powerful emotional bubble. Introduce ordinary life into that bubble and things can look very different. Finally: “The betrayer isn’t the main problem. There are two people in a marriage.” There are absolutely two people responsible for the health of a marriage. There are NOT two people responsible for one person’s decision to have an affair. The betrayed partner did not choose the affair. The marriage did not choose the affair. The person who strayed chose it. We can explore problems in the marriage without using those problems to absolve someone of responsibility for cheating. Understanding why an affair happened is important. Accountability is, too. #infidelityrecovery #infidelityhealing #betrayaltrauma #affairrecovery #cheating
Replying to @Monica - Let’s unpack some of the magical thinking I see about affairs, because several of these beliefs simply do not align with the research or with what I’ve observed in 26 years of clinical work with people recovering from infidelity. First: “Affairs are a painkiller for a broken marriage.” No. An affair is much more often a painkiller for an injured person who is struggling to cope with their own feelings and does not know how to manage them in healthy ways. People in unhappy marriages have many choices. Having an affair is one of them, and it is an individual choice. Second: “Affairs aren’t fantasies. They’re very real.” For something to be grounded in reality, it has to survive reality. During an affair, the primary partner is usually doing real life with the straying partner: bills, chores, kids, responsibilities, stress, illness, conflict, and everyday life. The affair partner often gets a relationship protected from much of that reality. Secrecy, anticipation, novelty, and limited time together can create an incredibly powerful emotional bubble. Introduce ordinary life into that bubble and things can look very different. Finally: “The betrayer isn’t the main problem. There are two people in a marriage.” There are absolutely two people responsible for the health of a marriage. There are NOT two people responsible for one person’s decision to have an affair. The betrayed partner did not choose the affair. The marriage did not choose the affair. The person who strayed chose it. We can explore problems in the marriage without using those problems to absolve someone of responsibility for cheating. Understanding why an affair happened is important. Accountability is, too. #infidelityrecovery #infidelityhealing #betrayaltrauma #affairrecovery #cheating

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