defnot.AJ :
she passed from stage four cancer when I was 8, I never spent time with her because she was skinny to where I can see her bones from her skin, her hand had the same gentle touch but cold, she would make noises and cry because that all she could do, i remember when I was in my parents room looking after her on the first day of school then I said "mommy i don't want you to go" and she made a noise and we both started crying, I stayed home for 4 months of school because we knew she wouldn't have much time, no one told me that she was gonna die, but I knew the goodbyes were soon, one night my dad sat me down in the living room and said "your mom doesn't have much time left, she's not gonna get better, but i need you to be strong for her and your sisters" the next day I woke up and heard her machine making loud noises, and my dad ran out the room and put my little sister on me, i was on the couch so he went back to his room where my mom was and I can hear my dad crying, my grandma crying, my tias crying, then my dad came out and said that "she's resting now and not in pain", i just remembered crying and not wanting to accept thays she's gone, I went to his room and held my moms hand and rubbed it, she still smelled like her perfume.
when I was at her funeral I wanted to cry but nothing came out, I went up to her casket and held her hand before getting pulled away when I sat down next to my aunt she was whispering something but everything was blurry, the sound was muffled I could only see my moms casket, then when we buried her I didn't want her to go, I wanted to jump in with her, I feel into deep depression afterwards, I dont remember her voice I only remember when she'd yell or when she talked in a soft voice, I want my mom back not in some video or picture o wanna see her in person again
2026-07-14 14:51:26