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Friday 06 March 2026 12:38:11 GMT

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2026-03-10 12:57:18

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Never tell someone they shouldn’t be depressed because other people have it worse. That’s like telling someone they shouldn’t be happy because other people have it better. One of the most damaging things we can do when someone is struggling is invalidate their distress by comparing it with somebody else’s suffering. “You have so much to be grateful for.” “Other people would love to have your life.” “There are people going through much worse.” “You don’t have anything to be depressed about.” These comments may be well-intentioned. Sometimes people are trying to offer perspective. But when someone is experiencing profound emotional pain, they can hear something very different: “You shouldn’t feel the way you feel.” And that can leave them feeling ashamed not only because they are suffering, but because they now believe they have no right to suffer. Human distress doesn’t work like that. Pain is deeply subjective. Two people can experience similar circumstances and respond in completely different ways. Our emotional responses are shaped by our biology, psychology, relationships, previous experiences, coping resources, current circumstances and countless other factors. And depression is not simply a measure of how objectively “bad” somebody’s life appears from the outside. Someone can have a loving family, a successful career, financial security and opportunities that others desperately want — and still experience major depressive disorder. Gratitude and suffering can coexist. Privilege and pain can coexist. A person can recognise everything that is good in their life and still be struggling to stay afloat psychologically. Of course, perspective can sometimes be therapeutic. Gratitude can be therapeutic. Helping someone recognise what remains meaningful in their life can be therapeutic. But there is an important difference between helping someone gain perspective and using perspective to invalidate their pain. Instead of saying: “Other people have it worse.” Sometimes the more compassionate response is simply: “I can see that you’re struggling. Tell me what’s happening.” You don’t have to completely understand someone’s pain to acknowledge that it is real for them. You don’t have to compare their suffering with anybody else’s before deciding whether they deserve compassion. Pain is not a competition. And compassion should never require someone to prove that they are suffering enough to deserve it.

Never tell someone they shouldn’t be depressed because other people have it worse. That’s like telling someone they shouldn’t be happy because other people have it better. One of the most damaging things we can do when someone is struggling is invalidate their distress by comparing it with somebody else’s suffering. “You have so much to be grateful for.” “Other people would love to have your life.” “There are people going through much worse.” “You don’t have anything to be depressed about.” These comments may be well-intentioned. Sometimes people are trying to offer perspective. But when someone is experiencing profound emotional pain, they can hear something very different: “You shouldn’t feel the way you feel.” And that can leave them feeling ashamed not only because they are suffering, but because they now believe they have no right to suffer. Human distress doesn’t work like that. Pain is deeply subjective. Two people can experience similar circumstances and respond in completely different ways. Our emotional responses are shaped by our biology, psychology, relationships, previous experiences, coping resources, current circumstances and countless other factors. And depression is not simply a measure of how objectively “bad” somebody’s life appears from the outside. Someone can have a loving family, a successful career, financial security and opportunities that others desperately want — and still experience major depressive disorder. Gratitude and suffering can coexist. Privilege and pain can coexist. A person can recognise everything that is good in their life and still be struggling to stay afloat psychologically. Of course, perspective can sometimes be therapeutic. Gratitude can be therapeutic. Helping someone recognise what remains meaningful in their life can be therapeutic. But there is an important difference between helping someone gain perspective and using perspective to invalidate their pain. Instead of saying: “Other people have it worse.” Sometimes the more compassionate response is simply: “I can see that you’re struggling. Tell me what’s happening.” You don’t have to completely understand someone’s pain to acknowledge that it is real for them. You don’t have to compare their suffering with anybody else’s before deciding whether they deserve compassion. Pain is not a competition. And compassion should never require someone to prove that they are suffering enough to deserve it.

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