@daniellenicole1994: “Did you really prop up your camera to cry while making your son who passed aways bed?” I did. Because i been staring at his messy bed for months. Unless you been in the situation, it is so hard to do this. So I recorded myself. To show that i did it. Dust just sitting on top of his untouched toys. Then i looked at his pillow. The pillow that has green bile stains from when he took his last breath and bile was pouring out of his nose and mouth. Dust all over it. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves his bed made as if I’m about to lay him in it to go to sleep. This bed, he loved. Sleeping with him was something we didn’t get often, only when he didn’t feel good. He just loved his bed so much. So i cleaned the dust. Put away the toys so his brothers don’t touch it. Laid out the clothes he took his last breath in and put a diaper down. I’m imagining I’m giving him a hot shower, one he didn’t want to take unless he was in the mood for one, and then I’m going to dry him off and put his clothes on. Then get him nice and comfortable in his bed, put on his heating pad, give him his tablet, and his water cup with cold water, and lay in bed next to him while we laugh to YouTube videos. So yes, I did record myself. Because loosing your child is the worst pain anyone can feel. And cleaning dust off a bed they once laid in and will never lay in again, is hard. I miss you my sweet boy. “When the walls close in, and I'm lost in all my sin If Heaven lets me in, will I see your face again?” - Restless Mind (feat. Avery Anna) Sam Barber [feat. Avery Anna] God, I have been a terrible person. I pray so hard i get to see you again Elijah. #childhoodcancer #neuroblastoma #childloss #griefjourney #griefandloss

Jamieboo :

you don’t have to explain to anyone why you did this. or why you did that. you’re going through the worst thing of your life mamma! we’re all giving you hugs through the phone! 💜💜💜

Roxanne Mongeon :

Oh momma, you do whatever it is your heart wants you to do. You will always be his momma, he will always be your son. Please try and take care of yourself now too💞🙏🏼

Me :

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. As mothers, we are all grieving with you. Don't ever apologize for doing whatever it is that makes your healing process a little easier. Those people aren't living your experience. And even if they may also be going through something similar, they are not you. We are not all the same. I pray that you find comfort in the happy and healthy memories if your child, but also in their vulnerable moments where a very special moment of bonding and comforting took place that only you both experienced. Please, remember that your other children are also mourning in their own way. Pour all of your love into them, and know that it is OK to cry in front of them and with them. This is a part of life they shouldn't have had to experience so young but I'm glad they have your arms to run to. 🕊🤍💌 ☁️👼

ivy :

Goodness mama my heart just breaks for you. I commented on another one of your posts and can’t seem to pull myself away from your page.. I still have the “astronaut suit” that I held my daughter Eden in, with that same green bile you mentioned and it was so traumatizing to watch her take her last breath in that way. You are so strong. I too, had to set up a camera just to get through these days. These people who comment hatefulness about it, probably couldn’t make it through what you’ve made it through. Rest in peace Eli.

shortmomma74 :

Bless your heart. I’m so sorry for your loss and the hurt you are still dealing with. One day at a time momma. Don’t listen to those nasty mean trolls… you grieve how you need to grieve. 💜

Kat ❥ NICU RN 🍼🧸 :

You don’t have to explain to us. If this feels comforting, we’re here for you!!!!! ♥️

travel2026k :

Broke my heart, god bless you

Frizzliz :

Hugs momma 🥺🙏🙏🙏 I miss mine too. I’m here

Vendetta_Shaolin :

fill the jar with ❤️

SS :

Elijah, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I want to tell you that I pray for you every day. I also want to tell you that we humans lose loved ones; every home has lost a family member. That's life. But the beautiful thing is that we will all die and meet our loved ones and embrace them. Haven't you heard the story of the Palestinian woman whose children were killed while she was at work? Yes, all eight of them were killed, and she had no one left. And there are so many other stories. But I'll tell you something: repeat the Ibrahimic prayer. Yes, that's its name; you'll find it on YouTube. Repeat those words, and you will see the difference, the comfort, and the happiness from God. It is the compensation for these words. And thank God that you still have three children. May God protect you all.

leszekzapadka5 :

Serce pęka...😢😢😢

kayla🎗️ :

You do this so moms like me who are also living this nightmare feel less alone❤️‍🩹

Anna Larsson👧🏻👼🏼🧒🏼 :

I do the same, it’s the only “new” footage I’ll have of “him” and I. It’s the only thing I’ve still have left of him ❤️❤️

meem3l :

هوني على قلبك انتي أم رائعه اهتميتي فيه لاخر لحظه من حياته .

Laura Iris :

mi ai rupt inima..eu ca mamă plâng odată cu tine ,Dumnezeu sa ti dea putere!

la zhuliz de nicol22 :

lo siento tanto 🥹💔

🪽gata :

Oh 🥹🥹🥹

Elisabeth :

b :

I couldn’t imagine mama I’m so sorry.☹️

natiicus :

I love you ❤️

🇸🇦 :

الاحتفاظ ب اغراضه متعب لك نفسياً يجب رفعها في مكان ما حتى تستقر عاطفتك وحزنك

Elisabeth :

MomofChaos :

Praying for you and sending hugs ♥️♥️

cabi 883 :

mi dispiace 😞 ti abbraccio

الهام🌗 :

Im sorry 💔😞