i think a good general rule of thumb is: if it could make your partner rethink the relationship they should know about it
2026-04-03 13:41:30
443
sconesandcoffee :
I’ll give a personal example. Private - your relationship, inner world. Secret - purposely never taking me to places he goes so people don’t know he has a girlfriend so he can act single. (I left four months ago.)
2026-04-03 13:59:47
274
raven :
salary isnt private once youre engaged btw
2026-04-03 14:26:32
35
NeonJ :
Nah, anything you want to be private can be private. You don’t owe anyone anything.
2026-04-03 16:45:01
1
Jennifer Lou :
Exactly this! Secrecy means people can’t give informed consent to the dynamic/relationship/aspects of the relationship.
2026-04-03 13:46:48
80
Jemulcrone :
Are you talking specifically about early on in relationships? I can’t imagine you think salaries and savings should be private when you’re like, talking about getting engaged.
2026-04-03 14:13:24
46
Woodja Flanigan, Ph.D. :
I tell me clients that secrecy is something that you don't want known because it might rupture the relationship.
2026-04-03 14:53:43
44
Wapenheimer :
Informed consent
2026-04-04 03:42:11
7
gluckstein :
why would your salary and savings be private in a serious relationship? and when would this start becoming needed info? i think in a marriage these would definately be secrets of not shared or lied about
2026-04-04 03:12:46
1
Mary :
This is an excellent video. Thank you.
2026-04-05 21:15:52
5
MyGuardianAngel :
If it affects the other person and their life. You gotta tell them!
2026-04-04 14:16:21
4
A :
in the part about "being already checked out" what do you mean precisely? isn't there a difference between "I know I don't see my future with you anymore but I'll keep you around until I find someone else" and "I don't know if I see my future with you anymore and I'm trying to understand"
2026-04-03 13:46:17
5
Behind the Brand | 🎧 :
Nailed it. Again. 💯
2026-04-03 19:38:38
5
Mon :
Thank you for your service therapy Jeff 🫡
2026-04-03 20:51:11
5
Vane🪿(en español) :
I don’t have a perfect man but I do have an honest one and that is value
2026-04-06 16:14:10
4
whatpeppersaid :
me asking my ex what his wedding ring tattoo was and he said "idk" at that point he told me he had an ex gf. he had an ex wife he was actively divorcing
2026-04-03 13:56:29
17
My Way :
Can you discuss this from the flip side? How to determine if what I want to know/ask is private or secret? And when to frame their hesitation when asked as a valid privacy-protecting boundary that I should apologize for crossing or a secrecy-protecting barrier to the relationship I shouldn’t.
2026-04-03 14:16:15
17
Haspanelli :
I hear you, Jeff, and am happy to not have violated any of these examples.
2026-04-03 16:42:52
1
A Salty Scotsman ❌️ :
Privacy is the text convo she has with her bestie about random things through the day.
Secrecy is the text convo she has with the guy who is "just a friend" where she shares how she feels about her relationship with you, and allows him to share how he'd treat her "if" they were together.
2026-04-03 14:35:12
6
IsekaiMePls🌎 :
thank you for posting
2026-04-05 22:26:43
4
Mochimochi :
if my girlfriend is a really private person and tells me things but doesn't like other people to know (which I respect and understand) but how can I ask for advice to friends without breaking that privacy? I felt isolated and without enough relationship experience to just deal with it personally on a void 😔
2026-04-05 19:54:55
1
Mobeancounter :
So good!!!
2026-04-04 04:22:14
2
Buyyourside :
In real estate we call this ‘material fact’ : something, if known to the buyer, could change their decision to buy
2026-04-04 04:50:28
4
Monty99 :
Making a choice is something you can’t do without enough information.
2026-04-04 10:36:32
2
Tarra Lucero :
THANK YOU!
2026-04-05 22:17:02
1
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