Jamaal Burkmar
Region: GB
Thursday 09 April 2026 14:17:05 GMT
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qtden____ :
Just communicate?
2026-04-09 15:44:54
88
Roberta BK :
People think that hedonism is just the pursuit of unrestricted pleasure, in it’s most simple reading it is, but the deepest understanding of it aims for a sustainable source of pleasure. When it comes to sex, It is also not something men and women can aspire to equally, because first intimate heterosexual interaction is more a risk for women than it is for men, and second as you said because of patriarchy, women sexual freedom is more frowned upon. Also the sheer pursuit of unbounded pleasure is a cope out in most situations. Going back to the understanding of hedonism, being in a relationship is the most sustainable form of reaching pleasure so it’s funny how it’s not perceived as such. This being said, I personally think that « sexual freedom » is just a capitalist scheme aimed to introduce consumerism into interpersonal relationships. Think about all the industries involved in sexual freedom : apps, restaurants , the fashion and beauty industry, even the automobile industry and many more. Also the way people look at each other, rate each other, collect each other, value each other based on bc, social standings… the people are also the products, so double edged consumerism sword.
2026-04-09 14:45:29
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Beth ❤️🔥 :
Yes!! It’s totally ok to pursue a desire you have that doesn’t fall into wanting a relationship out of it but just be vocal about it from the very beginning. If everyone involved is clear on what’s happening, then everyone has access to a choice whether to continue or change paths.
2026-04-13 00:13:38
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Baby.Snark.dodododoo 🇨🇦 :
I’m not qualified to comment about the topic, just commenting so I get updates… 🥰
2026-04-09 14:41:57
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notdbcoop :
I love your take on this!
2026-04-10 12:51:56
1
Ebube Enweani :
This is why I follow you! Love this xx
2026-04-15 20:44:51
1
Roberta BK :
First comment. Sorry will come back with an intelligent comment.
2026-04-09 14:28:00
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LÀDÌ :
This is such a deeper conversation to be had. All boils down to one thing I’ve found myself having more and more conversations about - the invisible years of reconditioning regarding relationships and why we aspire to it regardless of what we actually want!! Transparency and the fear of being stigmatised because you fell out of the conditioning line.
2026-04-09 14:30:56
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Bubi :
I agree but also “intimacy” isn’t sex
2026-04-10 13:36:28
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Anne Gallagher651 :
The whole landscape of dating has changed.
2026-04-09 14:55:45
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Vailimapapi :
a couple times I’d slept with people who in the end only wanted that. It was a shock at first but like you said, communication helps a lot. I had a chip on my shoulder for awhile thinking I was being used. But if you held a gun to my head, I wasn’t lead on. I just didn’t communicate the right way, didn’t ask the right questions. I created a sense of limerence with that person, as if more intense feelings would bring out theirs. Ultimately, I realised quickly that intimacy sits different for different people. Best we not judge where it sits for others and not lie to them or ourselves about it. I liked this a lot, really takes on both sides and wanting honesty throughout
2026-04-09 14:59:43
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C :
Just be honest. If you can’t, then don’t do it until you can.
2026-04-09 16:20:18
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Éva Lagarde :
I think we make relationships too much about emotions… if people would agree on a contract for “what the relationship is” from the get go it would be much easier… if needs and expectations were said and accepted without judgement it would be so much easier … i’ve always said I’m independent and I don’t need a man but i want a man … and always been told that i travel too much or whatever else… from the get go i always what i can bring and what i need … but i think most people don’t really know what the want … so they lie to themselves and to others … ppl just learn more about yourself
2026-04-09 22:16:27
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user376553717926 :
I disagree with you. 'pleasure' is not just pleasure when it impacts other people including casual sex. It becomes a responsibility that needs to be done consciously and discipline. let's not glorify excess hedonism
2026-04-11 14:02:27
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Munday& :
This is a good point well made. My only push back or question would be, is pleasure transactional? If the answer is yes (and I assume we are all on board with what pleasure means in this context) then why not pursue that in a purely transactional forum? I’m not disagreeing with your point. However you reference connections over time which fundamentally changes the dynamics of transactional pleasure. It’s an interesting thesis, we need a part 2 😎
2026-04-09 22:02:05
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✨Princess✨ :
I think the issue is loneliness, and wanting any type of connection. Does that connection work with what you want? Maybe not, but it’s better something than nothing. Then you can add that some people might feel used, or have issues asking for something.
2026-04-09 22:05:21
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Claudia :
It gets a lot better when you are older! Emotions don’t run so high!
2026-04-09 15:47:43
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Archaeowannabe :
I disagree. There’s a whole community of people who have come out of long term relationships in their late forties and fifties who do not want to be in traditional relationships and express that honestly. Both men and women do not want to make the traditional relationship bargain again - and I’m not talking about traditional gender roles, more the compromises required.
2026-06-04 00:17:52
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Bonnaventure James :
It’s not just relational pleasure, it’s food and relaxation. You don’t deserve it unless you’ve put in the effort. There are just other layers of purity on relational intimacy that add to the shame and stigma.
2026-04-10 13:12:39
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b :
that's the shit i wish i could articulate before i got myself in various messes 😡
2026-05-10 15:15:49
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Natalie Corbin :
I agree that some women may be upset to find out that sex is all a man wants from a relationship but I am sure she would respect him in the end for being honest and giving her the chance to decide if she is willing or not. Running down a woman and playing to be genuinely interested just to seek pleasure is disrespect if you are the only one who knows that is what is happening
2026-04-09 15:12:43
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AuntieCakesCuppas :
It’s easy to say “just communicate better,” but women have been conditioned that they aren’t allowed to ask for their needs to be met. There was a Stamford study recently released where 3,000 men were asked if they had ever used methods of coercion to get sex from women. Of 2600 men who responded, 95% of them said yes. This is enormous and painfully relevant to your justification of this shit behaviour.
2026-04-24 17:21:37
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Penélope. :
purity culture and the idea that sex and pleasure are wrong, and only valid if it comes with love or "something more meaningful" (spoiler: sex is meaningful by itself)
2026-04-09 22:39:04
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Reuben 🍋 :
Separate point, but u said summin that made me think. Is about “evil people.” Do they actually exist? Or is it just people and some do evil things? It’s a tricky one because obviously there is evil, but what counts as evil is subjective. Murder is evil, but what about defending your country from invasion? That will likely involve killing but that isn’t evil? You wouldn’t call the soldier being forced into the attacking side as “evil” if they had no other real option, just not good either. And at the end of the day, everyone is the hero in their own story so wouldn’t count themselves as evil, even if they recognised what they was doing was wrong, they would justify it as means to end or summin. Basically, do you actually think people evil people exist? Or missguided mentally ill people and people who make mistakes that do things that are evil but that isn’t an inherent quality of them? I have never met someone who is out right evil, very very bad, but not evil. I think certain people like Netanyahu are probably evil but as I don’t know enough about them as I person I cannot say for sure
2026-04-27 13:12:37
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